All I Want
by riehull
Summary: Hawke falls pregnant, Fenris somewhat freaks out, Anders gets angsty (ok more than usual) and well, the others carry on regardless.
1. Definately Not a Hangover

**A/N: Please note this was first published on archive of our own. Forgive any errors, they are my own. I welcome all comments, and please be aware this is my first ever fic. Bioware own all, I'm only just playing in their world. Enjoy!**

**Chapter 1****: Definitely Not a hangover**

"Wha...not again!" thought Natalia Hawke as her stomach rolled for the second time in a row, and then couldn't help but wretch uncontrollably on a now empty stomach, having lost the battle to keep anything in it moments before. Gripping the blessed bucket, thankful that it was close to hand as she had very little time to reach for it upon waking first thing this morning, she waited until this last bout was over and sat back on the bed.

Blaze her Mabari hound, snorted and lifted his head, tilting it at her and whining. "Yes Blaze, I'm not feeling too great." At which point he wagged his stub of a tail and rested his head on her thigh as if trying to offer comfort. Hawke absent mindedly patted his soft fuzzy head and he huffed back.

"I'm definitely not hungover...I did have the flu the week before last...but I haven't felt right for a while...hmmm...first time I've vomited though, and no one else is complaining about feeling off colour...**_oh!_**..flames!"

She deposits the now offending bucket on the floor by her feet and continues to sit there in a daze, working things out and trying (and failing mostly) not to panic.

Then it hits her like a mabari up the face. If she didn't feel sick before, the realisation of her probable condition makes her feel very faint indeed so she lays back on the bed, the dog moving off her.

After many shocked minutes, trying to get her head around the most likely cause, she gives herself a small shake, mentally and physically and after checking her cramping stomach has settled enough, scoots from the bed, standing unsteadily gripping the bed post for support.

"Well, I guess I need a second opinion before I even think about talking to Fenris." she mutters to herself.

"Oh! Fenris...I need to make sure there's anything to discuss before I even approach you about it!" Glad that he had not stayed last night due to an errand he had to take care if first thing, he'd left before she'd fallen asleep, leaving her with sweet soft kisses and a promise of her favourite sweets when he came back later that day.

Hawke shivered in the warmth of the room. Yes their relationship had deepened beyond her wildest dreams, they shared so much now and they both knew how much they loved each other, but this - this might be too much for him to take. They'd need to discuss this sooner rather than later if she was pregnant.

Sighing and running a hand through her hair, she got washed and pulled on clean robes, ready to head out, not feeling up to breakfast.

There really was only one person who could confim the diagnosis. However, things between her and Anders had been strained since, well...since she chose to be with Fenris.

She had known the healer had strong feelings for her, and perhaps it had been a bit cruel looking back, but the emotional limbo she'd been suffering after Fenris left had her confused, desolate and lets just say not entirely emotionally stable.

Up until that moment, Anders had been her closest friend, and she mistook that for something more. Had felt a despair so deep and therefore reached for what little comfort she could, but when it came down to it, she realised that it had always been Fenris and so she had refused his advances.

The realisation she loved Fenris had made it feel wrong and even being in the same room with him somewhat a betrayal.

So Anders had stormed out, and since then she had tried to make it up to him, but nothing she could say or do could bridge the gap that now existed between them. They were barely friends, a cool remote connection now existed when once it felt she had at least found someone to perhaps ease the pain a little from losing Bethany. She had found an easy and open friendship in him, able to talk about magic for once. It hurt so much that the one person who understood her from the start was so closed off and out of reach.

But she needed a healers opinion. It would most likely mean further heartbreak for them both, her from losing more of her friend, and him because it would be more evidence she didn't love him the way he wanted her to.

Hawke was a healer herself, but a more specific diagnosis was required, so no alternative was available to her.

So having cleaned up and now fully dressed, she pulls on her boots, grabs her staff and sets off downstairs. Blaze her mabari jumps off the bed and closely follows her.


	2. Mabari's and Punches

**A/N many thanks for viewing. ****Again Bioware own all.**

**Chapter 2****: Mabari's and Punches **

As Natalia made her way downstairs, she headed to the the kitchen and picked up a pastry Orana had made last night, just in case her stomach decided to unlodge itself from her throat. She also grabbed something for Blaze, if it wasn't enough, there was always the market.

The trip into Darktown was non eventful, actually made it to the the clinic in good time, but as she approached the lights weren't lit and the two doors shut tight. Before her and Anders had fallen out she would have knocked incessantly until he woke up, opening the door with a scowl which brightened upon noticing her grinning holding up cake as a peace offering, but with things being as they were now, he might not appreciate it this time round. Anyway he might have been doing underground mage type things and no one would want to interrupt that, but it was also a concern for her. Anytime she saw him he was looking tired and edgy, he clearly wasn't eating properly either, but Hawke had no idea how to approach him to see if things were okay and if he wasn't getting in over his head.

Huffing into the still quiet entrance, running her hand through her black hair, Hawke moved up to the stairs and settled down to wait it out, nibbling on the pastry to curb the slight hunger she now felt. Blaze cocked his head at her and whined. "I know, I know, I'm being stupid, its just so very awkward, and it doesn't help with you staring at me! You can't make me go in there, I'd probably get a lightening bolt up the arse! Why don't you go and see if you can catch a rat or a nug...not sure they have those down here anyway...I don't know how long I'll be here."

With that Blaze gave a soft excited bark and flew up the stairs "Just don't scare anyone!" Laughing to herself, it didn't take much to keep him occupied.

What felt like a few minutes later, Hawke jerked awake, nearly taking a nose dive off the stairs. "Woops, must have been more tired than I thought." Groggy with too little sleep from the short nap, she rolled her neck trying to get the kinks out. It wasn't a good idea to fall asleep given the area she was in, and where in the heck had Blaze gotten to?

Pushing off the wall and standing up wearily she checked if the clinic was open but all stood as still and quiet as before. "Here goes, nothing for it - I guess I will have to disturb him, its not like him to not be open by now."

Before she set one foot in front of the other, there was a nervous cough behind her, then a warm hand clasped her shoulder. Whirling round to her left, her right fist clenched she utterly failed to see the scruffy blond hair and oh so familiar face until it was too late.

Thwack! Her fist connected painfully with his cheek - Fenris would have been proud - her blue eyes widened in shock as she realised who it was and that the force of the punch had propelled him backwards. Small packages flying in all directions. Flailing around, arms windmilling wildly, he didn't really have any option other than to grab something solid, unfortunately it just happened to be her.

"Oh, this is so not going to end well!" she thought to herself. As he fell, time seemed to slow and as she toppled over she landed quite painfully on him, both hit the deck with a collective "Oof!"

Laying there, taking a moment to figure out if limbs were indeed intact for the both of them, Hawke pushed her hair out of her eyes, trying to gather an apology, there was a movement in the corner of her eye. As it came into focus, it took on the brown shape of said missing Mabari who at the moment was running full pelt towards them.

"Blaze No!" Anders, get up!" As his startled brown gaze widened he too looked back to see the large hound making his way to them. "He hasn't seen you in ages and is way too excited!" Again Hawke commanded Blaze to halt, this time getting through to him, he halted and was now a wriggling mass of energy. "Seriously if he was anymore excited, he'd either pee himself or wag his tail off!" Ah, catching herself and glancing down, she noticed the wary guarded look Anders was giving her. "Oh, I'm so sorry! I really didn't know it was you, are you okay, I hope I didn't hurt you?" Scrambling up, trying not to make it any worse, she brushed off her robes and held out her hand.

The guarded look was still there, but as she thrust out her hand again in silence, a pleading look in her eyes, he sighed heavily and took it begrudgingly.

Both back on their feet, Hawke picked her staff up off the floor and proceeded to help Anders pick up the supplies he was bringing to the clinic. "You don't have to do that 'Tali." Completely shocking her with the nickname he hadn't used for what seemed such a long time.

"Oh...it's the least I could do, after hitting you and making you fall...um...sorry about that again...do you need me to check your face?...you really shouldn't sneak up on someone like that...in Darktown...really..." She trailed off, the gift of coherent speech running for the hills altogether.

Again his gaze widened as he realised what he'd said, to gloss over it he bent again to pick up the remaining packages. "Oh. Sorry...um can I ask what you're doing here Hawke?"

"Yes, about that, why don't we go into your clinic and we can check your face, my hand and I'll help you put the supplies away?" Her eyes held no anger or bitterness, only regret and a little hope that he would invite her in.

"Okay...let me open up...and we'll take it from there." He gestured for her to take one box so he could get the keys from his belt. After relieving him of it, he moved to the door and unlocked the clinic, moving aside to let Hawke in first.

"Blaze, you wait out here like a good boy" she called over her shoulder.

The familiar smells of elfroot and lyrium that she always associated with Anders assailed her once again, causing a knot of upset to lodge in her throat. It had been a while since she'd set foot in here, having to rely on her own magic when she could, Anders rarely went on escapades with them anymore. Not all the memories of this place were good or happy, especially when she had nearly died from her injuries after defeating the Arishok. The feeling of drifting away came back to her, of being cold, the worried looks of Fenris, Aveline and Isabela as Fenris had carried her into the clinic, his moss green eyes filled with worry verging on blind panic.

Anders had worked so tirelessly healing her, and she'd be forever grateful he was there for her.

The memories she did cherish were those hours filled with potion making, happily working together like a well oiled machine healing the sick or injured. Oh, she missed him so! The fact she was once again in familiar territory made the sadness over her damaged friendship become too much and combined with her current worries made her burst into loud messy tears.

"Andrastes knickers 'Tali! Whatever is the matter? Please, please stop crying! This isn't like you at all!" His plea fell on deaf ears as Hawke stood there with her head in her hands showing no hint at stopping. He quickly gathered her in his arms and muttered random platitudes, rubbing her back - anything to stop her crying!

"Now, why don't you take a seat and we'll see to your hand, can you do that for me?" He asked, worry evident in both his voice and eyes as the tears slowly receded leaving her hiccuping and wiping her eyes with her sleeves. "Yeah, that would be good - oh, I'm sorry for all this, I have no idea what's come over me, maybe I should go!" Her embarrassed stuttering reply only made him sigh in exasperation as he ran his hands through his hair. "You obviously came here for something, please sit down and let me see to your hand and we can talk if you want too?"

"Okay, but I'm still sorry..." She then went and sat down on one of the small cots, tucking her robes by her side, resting her staff against it too, swinging her legs nervously, her reddened eyes watching him as he gathered the now slightly dented packages after dropping them (again) in shock at Hawkes uncharacteristic outburst and placing them on the opposite cot.

He takes a deep breath and kneels in front of her, taking her hand, and she feels the instant his healing magic flares to life, its soft glow familiar and welcoming. As soon as he starts to check her hand, he suddenly stops, looks up at her with those warm brown eyes, now wide with shock and with a breathless gasp "Hawke...I - don't know how to say this...but you're - you're pregnant!"

"Oh!"


	3. Confessions of the Heart

**Chapter 3****: Confessions of the Heart **

"You already knew didn't you?" Then why come to me, to rub my nose in it? Just leave please, I've things to get on with." Came the harsh response.

"No! No, nothing like that at all, I mean I knew something was up, I've been not been feeling myself for a while now, and I was late...you know...late, I've never been regular...but it was unusually so. Then I just thought that you would know for sure, being a much better healer than myself, and with experience of this sort of thing so yes, I came for confirmation...which I now have. I would never be that cruel and you know me, I'm not like that, no matter what's gone on between us!" Hawke pleaded, her voice thick with emotion, grabbing both of Anders hands, her eyes filling with tears again.

Looking down at their hands, he hesitates for a moment, then looks back up at Hawke and away again. "I - yeah, I'm sorry for saying that, it was unkind of me. I'm just a bit stunned, of all the things you could tell me, I never thought this would be something that would come up "Anders, help, my leg's hanging off!" maybe, but not this! We haven't really talked or spent time together like we used to and for you to come visit out of the blue is out of the ordinary in itself...so it's kind of rattled me a bit - of course I'll help in anyway I can. Its what I do." He smiles up at her, but it doesn't reach his eyes.

Searching his gaze intently she takes a deep breath as if to steel herself "If you want to help me we really need to clear the air once and for all, and before you say anything I am keeping this baby even if I don't have a Maker blessed clue about what I am doing. I know you hate the choices I've made in the past, and you hate Fenris, but I love him, and I'm sorry that I don't feel the way you want me to for you. I cannot even begin to tell you how much it kills me that I hurt you, I wasn't emotionally stable - that's no excuse I'm aware, but we need to get past this somehow and move on if we can."

Another hiccuping breath. "Truth be told I miss you so much, I miss my best friend, I miss my brother, and I want him...no - I need him back, please tell me if there's anything left to salvage?" she takes another shuddering breath, tears now flowing freely. Hawke closes her eyes as if to ward off his response.

There's not a sound for at least a full minute apart from her rasping breaths, so she opens one eye cautiously to check he's still there. "Of course he is stupid, he can't go anywhere without his hands!" The death grip in which she now has them ensures he couldn't escape if he tried.

All she hears is a muffled sob, then is enveloped in a warm, unexpected hug as she's nearly knocked off the small cot. "Oh Makers balls! I never wanted you to feel like this, I was just so upset after you kissed me then spurned me! I thought that you felt the same for me, that you loved me. Perhaps I knew deep down that you were still hurting after Fenris...that I wasn't who you wanted and my jealousy took over. I didn't think, all I knew is I wanted you, and took my chance. If I had thought I'd be losing you completely...maybe I wasn't in my right mind, we both weren't - but if I didn't do anything I'd never know how you truly felt. Maybe it was a mistake, but had to take that chance." Tears were evident in his eyes as he pulled back to meet her gaze, his voice husky.

"I guess I do now eh?" With a wry chuckle he gives her back a small pat and stands up. "I think I've come to terms with the fact you don't love me, not like I want, but I've missed you too, and if its just as a best friend again, I"ll take you any way I can. Just don't expect me to suddenly like Fenris. I can't pretend that he and I are friends, not even close. In the interest of civility, all I can promise is that I"ll try not to be a git." Shrugging, with the ghost of a smile he met her blue gaze again, this time with warmth in his eyes.

Hawke composes herself, reaching into one of her pockets for a handkerchief, finding a clean one, wipes her eyes and blows her nose noisily. Hopping down from the cot she puts the hanky away again. All this to stall for time of course.

"Things won't be like they were will they?" She asks in a quiet voice looking at him, waiting for his reply.

"No, no they won't, but now we've had it out, we can start to build our friendship back up again, not saying it'll be easy but I want to try. How did you get pregnant...I - I mean I know how!" His face lights up bright as a beacon at this. "I thought you took a potion? Anyway, we don't want the little one to come to any harm do we? We also need to talk about you fighting, when to stop and all that, but you'd need to discuss that with Fenris. You need to look after yourself now, its not just your life. I'll make something up for nutrition and another to prevent stray magic harming you both, maybe Sandal can make a rune up to enchant your robes?"

"You also need to tell Fenris - today, as I'm sure he'll not like me being the first to know either." He starts to open the forgotten packages, taking out small bundles of roots and herbs sorting them out.

At Anders question, Hawke flushes red too and stutters "I do take a potion, but I remember one tasted different than usual, maybe I used old ingredients for one, I really can't be sure. Its too late to start hashing over what could have gone wrong. Yes I know I have to look after myself more especially now." With an exasperated sigh she asks "Can you give me the once over, check things are okay?"

"Gladly" His magic flares to life again and he places his hands over Hawkes stomach. After a minute or two declares "All fine, you're both in excellent health, I would say its early days yet, maybe about a month along, give or take a few days. I"ll make up a few potions for you, take both once a week and come back to me for more when you've finished them. Now go tell Fenris...but if you ever need to talk, about anything, you know where I am."

"Will do, and thank you." Hawke graps his hand. "Really thank you for understanding. I guess I can't keep fighting like I have been, but yes I will speak to Fenris about what we both want about that...I just...I'm just a bit scared of his reaction."

Anders automatically squeezes her hand back and states "Everything will be okay. If he managed to win your heart, then he musn't be totally hopeless, just go already!" Grinning and turning her towards the door, making like he's pushing her out.

Laughing at his attempt to push her away, she turns, picks up her staff and makes her way out of the clinic.


	4. Chapter 4 - Distractions Aplenty

**Chapter 4****: Distractions Aplenty **

**A/N This chapter has some romance, nothing too heavy.**

Standing at the now familiar door, Hawke feels a nervous flutter reside in her stomach and settle, morphing into full blown nerves with the consistency of lead.

Lifting her hand to the door handle, she pauses. At this there's a small "wuff" and a cold wet nose presses into the hand against her thigh. Petting the dogs head she breathes deep and opens the door.

"Fenris are you home?" she calls into the dim, quiet stillness. Receiving no response she opens the door fully and steps into his home, Blaze following closely behind, softly closing the door behind her.

Still hearing nothing upon entering she moves through the small entrance hall and with light foot steps continues deeper into the main hall, skirting around the broken tiles.

Glancing around taking note of the many years worth of grime, and the long forgotten corpses she chuckles softly to herself. Remembering with fondness her half hearted attempt to threaten Fenris into cleaning the place and his delightful and heart quickening response.

After returning from an afternoon buying new weapons and runes, Fenris had asked Hawke in for a drink and something for dinner.

Walking into the hall, Hawke declares "Seriously, I think that particular corpse was here the first time we set foot in here - its not even gooey anymore! If you insist on living here at least try to tidy up. If you can't be bothered I will bring my own mop and bucket and invite Merrill along to help!" Grinning widely to soften the threat as she knew he still disliked the elf mage.

Knowing she wasn't serious he gave her a faux mortified look, his green eyes widening with mock horror. "If I wanted to clean, I would have done so by now. Pray tell, how would you get her past the front door with me guarding it?"

Laughing openly now, her eyes sparkling with humour. "Well I'd have to distract you somehow won't I?" Her voice taking on a flirtatious tone.

Stepping closer, his gaze focusing intently on her, he moves towards her slowly, backing her up until she reaches the wall behind her, running out of space. "I am not that easily distracted. Years of training you know." His already low voice dropping an octave.

He gently moves his arms so his hands rest on either side of her head, pinning her in place. Hawke a willing captive. "So...how would you distract me?" He whispers, his warm breath tickling her ear making her shiver.

He's now so close she can feel his body heat, smell his familiar scent of leather, weapon oil and the faint tang of lyrium - the heady concoction envelopes her senses. This drives her heart to quicken its pace, heat pooling into her stomach. Turning her head to the side her lips glance against his cheek and she feels him shiver slightly and a soft breath escapes. "Well I could try this for starters."

Moving from his cheek her lips brush against his earlobe, softly feathering at first but at his sharp intake she increases the pressure. Her tongue then dips into the shell and he pulls away sharply.

Still close, he gazes into her eyes, all humour gone replaced with a smoldering heat, pupils dark with longing. "That is a distraction indeed." Voice now full of need but determined to keep the pace slow, he moves his right hand from the wall and cups her chin, brushing his thumb over her soft lips, pulling on them slightly.

Hawke moans softly, eyes closing and before he can remove his hand, opens her mouth to capture his thumb and gives it a soft bite. At this Fenris stills, her eyes flick open to see the heat flaring in his own eyes and all thoughts of taking his sweet time exploring her attempt at distraction fly out the window. He captures her face in both hands pushing against her to plunder her mouth in a searing kiss. Warm lips collide, his tongue demanding an entry that Hawke does not deny with a strangled moan.

Her hands snake around his neck to draw him even closer, meeting at the back of his head snagging gently through his soft hair. They both press against each other consumed by the fierce longing between them. Moments later finally pulling apart to catch their breath, chests heaving. He pulls back capturing her hand. Smirking, breathless and flushed he says "I think there is a more private place where you can continue to distract me more thoroughly."

Smiling and slightly flushed herself, she tightens her hold and they both move up the stairs quickly.

Hawke snaps back into reality, noticing Blaze whining at her, she gives herself a shake and mutters a bit breathlessly "Sorry boy, got a little distracted there. Still didn't get around to cleaning up either!" Having no idea how much time had passed, she crouches down to give him more of a hug to make up for ignoring him and ruffles his fur, whilst he licks her face.

Standing up again, wiping off the slobber with her sleeve, she notices nothing has changed in the house. No movement or noise to indicate Fenris is home.

Making sure either way, she walks upstairs and into his room finding the hearth cold and no sign of life. "Well I guess this will have to wait until later, come on pup lets go."

Before leaving she notices a pile of books haphazardly stacked on a nearby table. Smiling to herself touching the top book lightly she remembers how she helped him learn to read.

When he had left her that first night they'd shared, she knew beyond a doubt that she had fallen hopelessly in love with him but was so hurt at his reaction and subsequent departure from her. It took her months to bury the pain and try to stifle her feelings under a guise of friendship and humour.

Finding the Book of Shartan was her way of having a connection - any connection with him, yes it may have been selfish of her, but spending time with him soothed her bruised heart.

The lessons hadn't started very well, but when Fenris and her had both gotten over the awkwardness of being in close proximity again to each other, his anger at being unable to grasp the basics gave way to wonder when they became clear to him.

The hours they spent together pouring over texts brought them closer and although it hadn't been what she really wanted at the time, it had been enough, she now cherished those times as they helped to deepen the bond they shared today.

Turning once again, she moved out the room closing the door, headed back down the stairs and onwards to home.


	5. Chapter 5 Unknowing Revelations

**Chapter 5****: Unknowing Revelations **

After the dimness of Fenris's home Hawke, blinking owlishly, lifts her hand to shade her eyes from the glaring sunshine.

There was barely a cloud overhead in the azure blue sky. It was a beautiful day, a delightfully refreshing wind blowing against her hair, cooling in the warmth.

It was too good a day to be cooped up inside or to be traipsing around Kirkwall searching for Fenris, so instead of heading straight home she decides to make the short trip across to the Chantry.

Needing to take some time to relax and catch up with Sebastian or Grand Cleric Elthina, sending the dog back home alone.

It had been a while since they last talked and the Chantry offered a small modicum of peace, albeit brief.

Much grander of course than the humble Chantry in Lothering, the building itself was cavernous, the many voices echoing the Chant seemingly trying to reach the Maker through the rafters when filled completely.

There was no reception area, the doorway instead leading to a large square corridor guarded by four bronze statues, two flanking either side at opposite ends along the walls which branch off to two sets of stairs to the right and left, however the focal point of the main room was a statue of Andraste Herself.

Hazy amongst the smoke of the burning candles and taking up much of the view visible from the doorway, stood a huge, magnificent depiction of the holy prophet.

Both awe inspiring or fear inducing depending on the state of ones soul. At her feet, candles could be lit in rememberence of a loved one, the flames maintained by the Brothers and Sisters.

Hawke moves quietly down the corridor, nodding with a smile in greeting to two sisters standing by the foot of the stairs to the left.

Making her way up the stairs she moves to the pews, and slides into a vacant seat, trying not to disturb Sebastian as he recites a canticle, the rich tones of his accented voice carrying over the bowed heads of the congregation.

Bowing her own head and closing her eyes she offers up prayers for Father, Mother and Bethany, her face openly showing grief.

Not that she was devout by any means, but she had believed in the Maker from an early age and her Father had always strived for her to be open minded - if the Maker made all men, why make mages if not for them to do good in the world?

In Lothering she had visited the Chantry often and she had become friendly with many of the Sisters. It hadn't taken long for the family to feel like the village was home to them instead of a place they could lay their heads before moving on.

Time spent there for her was precious, allowing her to be herself without the responsibilities of family, especially when her Father died - she felt closer to him when in such a building.

Looking back now it had seemed when they had died it had felt that part of her soul had been taken with them too. Without her friends and the little flame of faith she had, coming back from such heartbreak would have been almost impossible and the grief was at times still raw.

At least Carver was somewhat safe with the Wardens. Shuddering as she remembered that fateful journey into the Deep Roads, and again grateful for Anders being there. Without him, she'd be the last Amell heir - from her Mothers side anyway.

Sucking in her breath, her hand automatically moves to her stomach "Not the last now, by any means." she thinks to herself, smiling now, getting used the idea of a child.

Picturing a toddler with beautiful green eyes you couldn't say no to and paired with her soft blue back hair - he or she would be a heartbreaker!

Giving her stomach a small pat she finishes her prayers and glances up. Caught in her reverie, unbeknownst to her the canticle had finished a short while ago with the seats previously full now empty.

A line had formed in front of Sebastian for him to offer a blessing if accepted, however his striking blue gaze was not directed at the woman in front of him, but on her. Being the only person still seated she wasn't hard to miss.

Dropping her hand from her stomach she stands up quickly and moves to the end of the line hoping he didn't notice her small slip. The line was slow moving, most stopping to chat to Sebastian for a time, his heavy brogue lilting softly.

Finally after what feels like forever Hawke reaches him and he takes her offered hand in a warm handshake "Good afternoon Hawke. Lovely to see you here again, I hope you're well - we've missed you these past weeks. I do hope nothing has kept you from us?" Eyes warm and face open.

"Oh, I wasn't well for a bit - just a cold, nothing too serious - and you know, people ask for help now and again from their "Champion" so been up to my eyes sorting out various issues." She says with mirth a soft smile meeting his blue gaze with her own.

"Being Champion has its merits as well as its drawbacks eh Hawke?" A small hesitant pause. "You know that I'm always here if you need to talk - about anything" His stare becomes intense and she knows in that moment that he saw her slip, but she can't tell him just yet - not until Fenris knows, it would be unfair to him.

Even having Anders know makes her anxious, not that he would betray her confidence, but the sooner the father himself is informed about his impending fatherhood the better as far as she's concerned.

Hiding her reaction behind a half hearted smile she gives a small laugh and shakes her head. "Nothing too bad that I can't handle, though thank you for offering. I was hoping to receive your blessing and you're right I have neglected this place - forgive me?"

Sebastian's gaze remains warm "The Maker understands that duty sometimes supersedes other obligations, just don't leave it too long next time, and there's nothing to forgive."

He holds his hand over her head and starts the familiar words of benediction "Blessed are they who stand before..." His soft voice flows over her like a soothing balm and she closes her eyes as a sense of calm washes over her.

Soon the verse comes to and end and her eyes open, not because he's finished but due to a small light tug of her robes, somewhere at her knee. She glances down and she breaks into a grin at the sight of Melander, a small child she's come to know during her frequent visits.

She reminds her so much of Bethany, so polite and quiet.

Nearly after every visit she is asked to tell a story to the children. Most are being taken care of until their parents finish work, but a few are permanent residents in the care of the Chantry. So it is nearly a weekly ritual for Hawke embellishing the stories her Mother used to tell her, bringing a little excitement into the otherwise hallowed grounds.

"Tali - please can you tell us a story? You weren't here last week and we missed you!" The girls small voice pleads mirroring the hopefulness showing in her eyes as she stares up at Hawke.

Chuckling Sebastian notes "Ah, its okay Hawke, go entertain the little ones!"

Grabbing her hand, Melander pulls her towards the small group of children, their excited cries being hushed by a nearby Sister turning into giggles.

Hawke sets herself in front of them, leg tucked under her and begins her story, the faces of the children alight with excitement at the tale they know so well starting, her voice carrying in the now quiet air.


	6. Chapter 6 Lunch and Babies

**Chapter 6****: Lunch and Babies **

Having said her farewells to the children and Sebastian, with promises of a visit next week and an agreement to bring cake, Hawke treks back home with a smile on her face.

The smile falters a little - just nerves - as she doesn't know what the reaction will be to her news.

Suddenly her stomach lets out a vicious growl of hunger, it had been a while since she had felt like eating and suddenly realised she hadn't eaten for what felt like simply ages. "Wow, its definitely time to get some lunch!"

Hoping that Fenris was already at her place so they could have lunch together, she makes her way there in silent contemplation, anxiety level rising with each step.

Catching herself chewing nervously on her thumb nail, she takes her hand from her mouth and shoves it into the pocket of her robes.

Glancing at the Amell crests hugging the outside walls in the dim ivy filled entry way, she can't help but feel a small burst of pride as she pushes the door open.

Setting her staff on one of the benches in the reception hall, she walks into the main hall, dust motes dancing around in the bright sun filtering through the high windows.

Bodahn greets her with good cheer as always. "Good day my lady, Messere Fenris had arrived for lunch and is waiting in the study for you. Oh and Blaze is resting in the garden, he came home a while ago."

"Thanks Bodahn, yes the Chantry may take in strays but draws the line at huge war hounds! I hope things are quiet? Oh and please don't forget to take tomorrow off as a holiday, you have earned it." Reminding him of their agreement, he really needed to take some time off.

As things had been quiet for a time Hawke had advised him to take a day away from the house with Sandal.

"Everything's okay, nothing to report and yes Sandal and I are looking forward to it, we were hoping to have a picnic somewhere. Lets hope the weather is as good tomorrow as it is today." Again he replies in a cheerful sing-song voice.

Sandal adds his piece by joyfully shouting "Holiday!" Hawke laughs at this and bids them good day.

"Well here goes nothing." The study isn't too far away, but at that very moment decides she wouldn't have minded it being across town, but this is something that cannot be put off.

Upon opening the door she finds Fenris sitting next to the unlit fire, his head bent and pristine white hair falling over his forehead. Long lithe legs propped against the armchair opposite, midway through his current book. His long tapered fingers holding it one handed as he slowly turns to the next page with the other.

Walking over to him, she touches his arm lightly to let him know she's home. "Hi there, miss me?" taking the opportunity to nudge his leg with her knee "Comfy?" enquiring with a teasing smile whilst brushing his hair away from his eyes.

He looks up and smiles warmly at her, the frown of concentration disappearing, and her heart flutters as it never fails to do when he looks at her with those eyes.

Holding her gaze, he slowly shuts the book after saving his page with a bookmark and sets it on the chair next to him, then graceful in the only way he can be, gets up to meet her. Reaching for her he pulls her into his arms and softly kisses her. His kisses are most welcome and she returns them with fervour, both arms holding him loosely.

It shouldn't amaze her at how much had changed in him, that he could share his affection openly with her, but it had taken a long time and many heartfelt conversations, which at times spanned long into the night, for him to get past his hesitation of touch. He had confessed to her once that his markings hurt when touched, but there was no pain at hers, and that had confused him greatly - she was a mage and therefore her touch should be harmful should it not?

With her he'd said it had felt like coming home, his soul had found its twin, and it warmed her heart to see and know how far he'd come, how far they'd came together.

Unfortunately her stomach decides to make itself known again and emits a loud growl.

Chuckling softly he pulls back slightly "I was comfortable thank you for asking, I am at an interesting part in the book. I was going to ask if you were ready to eat as Orana has set the table for us - but I think you have already answered that question!" Giving her another quick peck he releases her from his hold and then takes her hand as they walk up the stairs to the dining area.

Originally, the two rooms in this particular area had both been studies, set at different levels with the lower room they'd just left separated from the larger room by a short set of stairs.

However when they regained the estate there hadn't been a formal dining area, Hawke had decided to purchase a dining table along with a set of dining chairs and move them to the larger area in the upper level, otherwise there would be no room for entertaining her friends but most importantly it was the only table where more than three people could comfortably dine at.

Taking their respective seats, Fenris lets her hand go but not before giving it a small kiss, sending a small thrill though her. Getting comfy and setting the napkins on their laps, they both look toward the plentiful and delicious array of food.

Various cold meats including glazed ham and spiced chicken, freshly made breads, cheese and fruits lay before them. Orana had surpassed herself as usual. In a comfortable silence they take their own plates and start filling them and as they eat take their time in savouring the delicious flavours.

"Had you been up to much today?" Asks Fenris after taking a sip from the glass recently filled with a rich red wine.

Swallowing her own mouthful of water Hawke replies "Nothing too taxing, I went to see Anders and then thought it would be good to see Sebastian again as it felt like forever since I saw him, and of course the children had to have a story or two which is why I was delayed - sorry about that."

Her small smile betrays the fact that she didn't really mind, not in the least, and he picks up on this. "You cannot fool me, you know you do not mind telling your tales to the children, they love them almost as much as Varric's own fables. I do believe you are in competition with him. Is he aware that you are vying for the children's favour as their favourite story teller?"

Laughing she replies "No, I am in no competition with him, his job is very safe, besides I wouldn't want to tread on his toes or break his heart! It was good to catch up with Sebastian too."

Taking another bite of the chicken sandwich she had made she chews thoughtfully, trying to think of an opportunity to slip "Oh and by the way you're going to be a father - congrats I'm pregnant!" into the conversation.

After thinking this it doesn't take long for the knot of worry to flare again and settle in her stomach, and then she finds that her appetite has suddenly vanished and puts the remainder of the sandwich back on her plate, the mouthful she was chewing taking on the flavour of sawdust.

Fenris's next topic of conversation does not help one bit towards her anxiety either. "Oh, can I ask why you went to visit Anders? I had thought you two were not getting along? I hope that he was not rude to you - no do not tell me if he was as I would not be responsible for my actions. That abomination is getting more reclusive, we hardly see him at the Hanged Man much these days either, not that I am complaining, but whatever he is up to cannot be of any good."

Immersed in her own thoughts, she doesn't even jump to defend the mage as Fenris thought she would and she doesn't notice Fenris looking at her with worry after her failure to respond.

Wiping his mouth and setting the napkin by his plate, she also doesn't notice that he gets up from his seat and settles in front of her, taking her now shaking hands in his, the timber of his deep voice taking on a worried tone. "Hawke are you well?"

Coming back to the present she meets his anxious look with one of her own and she coughs and takes a deep breath. "Well, that's a question and a half isn't it?"

With a nervous laugh and another shallower breath. "Yes, Anders and I had barely been speaking to each other, but you see...I haven't been feeling well for a bit, and - and I had been taking remedies but nothing was helping, I did have that cold a while ago, so I had thought it was a continuation of that, or maybe some sort of stomach upset."

"However I had to go to Anders for him to confirm what I suspected as there couldn't be any other reason and I had to go to him because - there really wasn't any other way to tell. And I do trust him, even though we weren't speaking."

"Anyway, he confirmed it - that...that - it was what I thought...and there's something I really need to tell you - believe me, and I hope you don't take it too badly, but please understand it - it wasn't planned or anything. Is just that I - I'm pregnant Fenris, you're going to be a father."

The whole confession comes out in a rush, with Hawke barely taking time for a breath and for a heart stopping second she thinks that maybe Fenris hasn't heard her, her words too jumbled and that she would have to repeat herself, but at his startled breath mere seconds after her tirade, she definitely knows he has heard her - damn those sensitive elf ears!

Surprisingly he seems to take the news well - at first, but he releases her hands and stands up shockingly fast, nearly hitting his forehead head off hers, with - yes - an actual wobble in his step.

He moves back over to his recently vacated seat and sits down with a heavy thud, blinking and mouth opening and closing, his mind trying to process the recent revelation.


	7. Chapter 7 - So Much For Needing Space

**Chapter ****7 **

The slience seemed to run on forever, when in reality it was merely few minutes.

Hawke found herself wondering what was running through his mind, seeing the miriad of feelings ghosting over his features without giving anything away and it was very hard telling what he was truly feeling with his eyes also being closed.

After a few more seconds rolled by, she'd had enough both with waiting for some sort of response from him and trying to second guess what he was thinking or feeling.

The old fear of him leaving her rose in the pit of her belly, nearly as sharp as the nightmares that had plagued her dreams for months when he had left her the first time.

Entering the fade each night entailed a nominal risk for a mage, but the temptaion she then faced from demons increased as they knew her one desire, her one hope and dream - for Fenris to love her and stay with her.

Hawke knew that nothing they could promise or offer had been real and that the cost of accepting such temptations would be too high so didn't give in to them, but the images they left burned into her mind.

In time the nightmares ceased and she found she was able to rest for longer periods and over time the ache in her heart also lessened - or maybe she learnt to live with it.

Recalling the despair after waking each night from the visions, remembering her thudding heart and sweat drenched body, vague fleeting shadows that left her cold with fear, the flash of white hair and the whispering echos of promises given without truth, made the fear in her belly increase tenfold.

As she stood moving over to him she reached out her hand only to have him finally sit up straighter and take notice of her movement toward him.

Her steps halted and her arm dropped, wide blue eyes trained on his every move.

Patience had not been one of her strong points when she was younger, Maker how her Father had known that - however dealing with everything she had to over the years she had certainly learned the trait but this was something she needed to have an answer on.

Questions were running through her head. "Was he angry? Did he even want a child and would he accept it? Would he love it or accept it out of misguided duty?"

He loved her she knew that, but would this be too much for him to take?

She knew she was pushing him a little. Over the years they had got to know one another, as friends and eventually as lovers again, so she knew not to push him too hard but forcing his hand on this issue was something she was willing to do.

She started to move towards him again and having reached him, placed her hand on his shoulder, his eyes focused at last on her face. They were shadowed with worry and a little hint of fear. "Hawke..." He started to say, but he couldn't find his voice.

He coughed to clear his throat and started to speak again. "Hawke...I do not know what you wish me to say - I am...that is I do not know what you want - I had never thought of being a father, of having a child, but what do you want from me - marriage?"

She sucked in her breath not expecting that question. "Fenris, I love you - truly I do, and with that comes the hope of us spending all of our days together in some form, possibly marriage - yes I will not deny that I had hoped that would be on the cards at some point in our future. Generally it's what two people do when they are in love and wish to spend the rest of their lives together."

"However, if you don't want to I understand, but I want to be with you any way I can so I will not push this with you."

She squeezes his shoulder and at this he does something that she had hoped they had gotten past, his knee jerk reaction to touch - what with the time they had spent getting to know one another and the bond they now shared she had thought it wouldn't happen again - especially with her.

He _flinches_.

At this her eyes flick to his and sees his instant regret in the moss green gaze looking back at her.

"Hawke, please - I did not mean - I just...I think I need some time to get my head around this all. As a slave I had given up on entirely the hope of family, a life to call my own...and with my markings I was not sure it was possible either - this is difficult for me. I need time, please..."

At his her hand falls from his shoulder and the tears well up in her eyes, her hand rises to her mouth to smother the sob forming.

He sees the upset in her face and stands up sharply and embraces her so tightly her face is pushed against his chest. She can feel the wild thump of his heartbeat against her cheek.

"No - no no Hawke - 'Talia, I am not leaving you - you know for me there is no future without you, I have told you this! I need time to - it is a lot for me to take in. I need space but I will return, I promise you that." his own voice is thick with emotion, his already deep voice becoming rougher.

Natalia sighs in relief and hiccups. "Alright - its just that I'm so scared - I need you." Well she did try to say that but as she was still pressed up so tightly against Fenris it came out like "Arit ohghu, mso cred nedyou."

She pushes against him and he releases her with a soft kiss against her hair.

"Okay, its just that I'm so scared - I need you" She repeats, looking up at him pleading.

"I am afraid too, but please remember I am yours." His green gaze emploring her for the appparent need for space that she still doesn't understand.

Fenris was wildly independent, hence the reason he had not accepted her offer to live with her, and yes it had hurt at first, but she eventually understood that to him, having the use of Danarius's mansion, although he was dead, was his way of declaring independence - that he was a free man.

Deciding that he will want "space" whether she liked it or not, now was not the time to argue or to upset the fragile situation further, so reluctantly she asked "Please don't do anything foolish, and please come back here. I love you. When you do come back I'll - I'll be in my room."

She gives him a swift peck on the lips, not meeting his eyes and rushes from the room before he has time to respond.

She hurries past a shocked looking Bodahn without speaking and moves up the stairs to her room closing the door softly, sitting on the edge of the bed in a bit of a daze with her hand on her stomach and thinks to herself "Well that could have gone better, or worse depending on ones viewpoint I guess little one, lets just hope Daddy comes round."

After a few minutes she hears Fenris bid good day to Bodahn and leave the estate the softly closing door echoing through the rooms. Crawling over the bed she lays there and pulls a pillow over her head letting out a muffled "Aarrgggh!" in frustration.

It takes a long while for her to fall into an uneasy light sleep.

It doesn't seem that hours have passed, but when a muted bark wakes Hawke up, she's resting her head on her arms, the pillow long since fallen off the bed. She opens her eyes blearily taking time to focus in the soft light and notes that the days sunshine has long passed, the coolness of the room hints that night has fallen.

Rubbing her eyes and yawning so widely her jaw clicks, she sits up, realises that she hadn't even changed out of her robes and then the days events come rushing back to her and all she can think is "Fenris!"

Leaping out of bed she rushes to her bedroom door and opens it, not expecting the sight that is in front of her. It would have been amusing if not for involving a recently sober Elf.

The front door is wide open, with Sebastian, Aveline and Bodahn assisting what looks like a very inebriated Fenris through said doorway and into the main hall, the task made difficult due to him wavering on his feet unsteadily.

As she looks on with disbelief, Sebastian has Fenris's arm around one shoulder whilst Aveline has his other arm both trying to steer him into the room. Bodahn is trying to carry Fenris's sword behind them, but it is too heavy for him to cope on his own.

Hawke quickly walks over to Bodahn and helps him lift the heavy broadsword and rests it against the wall. Blaze is bounding to and fro, not helping matters so she commands him to go sit by the fire, which he does but with a huff as if to complain about his play time being interupted.

"Good evening Hawke." Sebastian's lilting voice tinged with apology. "Fenris came to see me earlier today, he was not himself so we chatted for a while and then he wished to go to the Hanged Man. I did not wish him to go alone so I offered to join him, purely to keep an eye on him of course. I did not know he had comsumed as much alcohol as he had until he got outside, he simply passed out." He hefted Fenris back up into standing position again.

"Hi Hawke, good to see you. I was on my usual patrol and caught Sebastian half way into Hightown and saw he needed assistance. You do realise Fenris is deceptively heavy for an Elf." Aveline also pulled him back up after slipping, her eyes glinting with humour. "We thought it best if he stays here tonight".

"Ah, okay, maybe its better if you take him straight up to my room." Hawke is not used to seeing Fenris like this, he rarely drinks too much and usually not to this excess. "So much for needing space, more like a few cheap pints!"

At Hawkes voice, Fenris seems to come round, and opens his bleary eyes and exclaims "See Hawke, I told you I would come back!" Surprisingly coherent for one who can't stand on his own two feet.

He wrestles out of both Sebastian's and Avelines grasp and flops forward onto his knees, crawling over to where she stands.

He then puts his hands on her still flat stomach and says. "Sorry for scaring your mother, little one, but you were a surprise. I - I cannot wait to meet you." He then smiles up at Hawke. "Hawke, I love you and I am sorry for reacting poorly to your news, but please give me a chance?"

At this proclamation he then passes out for the second time that night.

"Ah, Hawke, is there something you want to tell us?" Comes Aveline's shocked question.


	8. Chapter 8 A Friend In Need

**A/N Thank you so much for the favourites and follows and I hope you're enjoying the story so far. As usual, mistakes are my own.**

Chapter 8 A Friend In Need

Being put on the spot like that, she blushes deep red, her face instantly on fire.

Usually a painfully private person and certainly not used to having her (very) personal life on display makes her disconcerted. Along with the shock at Fenris's extremely open manner in which he voiced his apology, coupled with the fact nothing so far was going to plan - not being able to tell people in her own time - added to her general feeling of being overwrought by it all.

"Maybe I'll be able to tell Varric and the others when _I_ want to." She thought to herself, feeling things slipping out of her control quickly, not that she'd had much of that since the early hours of today anyway.

Knowing that he would be equally embarassed and annoyed with himself at being so public with his display she crouches down to where Fenris lay. Giving him the once over checking all was fine whilst at the same time trying to ignore two sets of eyes boring into her waiting for some sort of reply.

Gathering her courage, not really wanting to have this conversation and after letting a slightly stunned looking Bodhan know he can retire for the night after he lets Blaze into the kitchen, thanking him for all his help, she straightens and then finally looks towards them, her face still slightly crimson.

"I only found out myself today and believe me, this is not the way I would have wanted to tell any of you, but I think you can guess what's up from that graceful display - I'm pregnant, about a month or so. As you can see, Fenris didn't take it _that _well, but as he didn't go off running to the hills and returned to me, albeit with assistance - thank you both for that - I suppose I'm okay with it for now."

"Whether he remembers what he's said, or indeed still thinks the same when he wakes is another thing entirely, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it - probably tomorrow, if he's up to it."

Both women fail to notice Sebatians sharp intake of breath in reaction to her news, in fact they both seem to forget he's also in the room with them.

Face beginning to flush, whether with indignation on Hawke's behalf or embarrassment she isn't sure, Avaline stutters in surprise "I cannot belive you two would be so careless! How could you find yourself in this situation with all that's going on?"

"Ah, probably anger then..." Hawke thinks wryly to herself.

Still a little red, Avaline begins again. "I would have thought you at least would have more sense -"

Taking a leaf out of Fenris's book, Hawke holds up her hand to stop the flow before things get too angry or heated and she knows too well that harsh words are very hard to revoke once let loose.

Letting a calming breath fill her she looks unflinchingly into the redheads eyes, her gaze clouded with distress and pleads "Aveline, you are like a sister to me and I love you dearly, but please...I _know_ this is not a good situation, how the timing is possibly the worst it can be, but what's done is done."

"I have to make the best of it and no matter what anyone thinks we are having this child. I've no idea what I am doing, and neither does Fenris and I - I would really appreciate some understanding, even just a little would help, especially now." Her voice starts to waver and she goes quiet.

Aveline visibly calms and her emerald gaze softens upon seeing the glimmer of fear in her friends eyes.

"Sorry - I'm just a bit shocked. This will take a bit of getting used to. Wow...baby Fenris...err Hawke...who would have thought." Her eyes sharpen again as she voices the next thought running thorough her head.

"You do know you can't go off fighting now don't you? I mean before you put yourself at risk for us, at times recklessley I may add, but now its not only yourself - you have to be careful."

Smiling lopsidely feeling a small burst of warmth at being on the receiving end of the big sister side of her best friend. "I know that but it will be difficult for me not fighting. I had hoped I could continue to do something, I mean I would be climbing the walls if I didn't have a little fight here and there to occupy myself. You know me, I can't sit around doing nothing!" Hands flying up in exasperation showing her irritation.

A small polite male cough makes both women jump slightly. "Um, sorry to interrupt you both, but perhaps I could offer a solution? Oh, congratulations by the way - I am sure you and Fenris will be very happy. "

Natalia looks to Sebastian as if seeing him for the first time and smiles softly. "Sorry Sebastian was in a world of my own there, and thank you for looking after him when he needed someone. Yes it's a bit daunting, but hey - I single handedly fought the Arishok and won, if a little frayed at the edges afterwards, so I can do this - with a little help from my friends." At this she again looks towards each of them, her blue eyes clearing.

"I hope Fenris wasn't too much broody for you tonight? What do you have in mind?" She asks shifting from one foot to the other thinking that it was about time someone changed the subject.

"You have done so much for me, I would like to help in any way I can." Chuckling in reaction to her question. "It wasn't any trouble, his mind was just elsewhere, he was muttering to himself most of the night, something along the lines of making "it" official...amongst other things, but I couldn't really make sense of it all. I just didn't want him to be alone and drunk."

At this Hawkes eyes narrow and quickly look down to the sleeping Fenris, but there won't be any answers from him, at least not for the rest of the night - what little there is left of it.

"I had thought that you would be able to help me - only if you want to mind, distribute food and care packages to the needy. I travel to Darktown on occasion on behalf of the Chantry to minister to those who are not able make their way to Hightown. I need some assistance from time to time. You would still be out and about but no fighting is involved so you should be safe enough. We would also need you to help craft potions and sort donations, that sort of thing." His blue eyes sparkle as he knows he has caught her interest.

The smile she gives widens at his offer. "That sounds great, just let me know the schedule and so on and we can work it out from there. I think Fenris would prefer this to me going off and getting into trouble, as he always says - it seems to find me so easily."

"I know it won't be the same as our trips to the Wounded Coast, but truth be told I do get tired of the same old dead guys attacking us, you would think they'd learn to stay dead! I'd prefer not getting attacked everytime I step out the door too." With a small laugh she starts to bend down to try and finally pick Fenris up off the floor.

"No Hawke!" Both Aveline and Sebastian voice their objection in unision and move to help before she can strain herself. "Hey guys, I can pick up one unconcious elf you know!" At the same time stepping away from them and letting them take over.

"Yes you probably could, but don't forget - he's heavier than he looks." Aveline smiles at her, the mood has lightened now that things are out in the open.

"It's a good idea helping Sebastian, and if it keeps you out of trouble all the better I think. I don't want to have to worry about you more than I should...listen Hawke...I know my reaction to your pregnancy wasn't great." At this Hawkes arches an eyebrow and they smile at each other. "And I apologise for that - for making the situation sound more dire than it is. If you need anything you only need to ask, I'll be here for you...I hope Fenris doesn't have too much of a sore head tomorrow." Her green eyes are warm, with no hint of the ire previously shown.

Smirking towards the now upright elf. "Well if he does it's self inflicted, I would heal him but he tends not to like that - still - but I suppose I could make up a potion for him." Mentally checking if she still had the particular ingredients.

They move up the stairs with Natalia thanking the Maker that her home wasn't larger, she hurried in front of them to open her bedroom door, glad that Orana had tidied up as Hawke wasn't the best at picking up after herself - especially after this morning.

Sebastian did look a little uncomfortable being in her chambers, but it wasn't as if there was anything to see, so she ignored him as he was shifted again in their arms, his head lolling around. They moved slowly towards the bed and set him down, perhaps more gently than required and they all returned to the entrance hall.

"Thanks for making sure he gets home okay, and thank you for all your help, I am truly grateful." Grasping Sebastian's hands in hers she gives them a small shake which he returns with a warm squeeze. "Anytime." Looking less uncomforable than a few minutes ago, he knods his head in farewell, smiles and sets off towards the front door.

She hugs Aveline hard, and whispers "I am so going to need your help you know!" into her ear. She responds with a laugh, pulling back and whispers in reply "You know you have it, as long as you don't name the child after me. I wouldn't want that for any babe." Only half joking.

They part ways again and after showing her two friends out, wishing them a good night she closes the door, locks it, puts out the lights and makes her way back to her bedroom.

Once in the room, she shuts the door and quickly undresses, after folding her robes she puts on her short pale green cotton nightgown. It has gotten chilly in the room so she waves her hand at the logs in the fireplace and it sparks to life, not instantly heating the room but it wouldn't take long.

She moves towards the bed noting that Fenris is breathing deeply with no movement to suggest that him being lugged about has even disturbed his deep drunken slumber.

He still has his armor on so she gently removes his gauntlets, pauldrons and chestplate, tying not to move him too much, grateful that she knows where to find all the fastenings, and places them on the nearby chair.

All that's left is his undershirt and breeches, so she removes his shirt leaving his breeches, so he could at least find some comfort.

The silver white markings glow softly on his tanned chest in the orange incandescence from the now bright fire. It never ceases - the hurt she feels when she sees them, the suffering and pain he went through makes her heart _ache_. He has told her before that they are part of what makes him the person he is today, and if he hadn't had them, they would surely not have met, so they are a burden but also a gift. She gently traces one with her index finger, but still he doesn't stir.

She pulls the blanket from under him and moves to the other side of the bed crawling in beside him, the days emptional upheaval suddenly making her seem so tired, the bed dips slightly from her movement.

In sleep he looks younger, the lines of worry are gone from his face. Softly brushing the hair out of his eyes she places a soft kiss on each of the three dots of lyrium on his forehead. "What am I going to do with you eh love?" Whispering softly with a loving smile on her lips thats echoed in her sapphire gaze.

Pulling the blanket over both of them she snuggles into his warm body and kisses his chest, laying her cheek against his warm skin, hearing the strong beat of his heart, it doesn't take her long to fall into a deep sleep beside him.


	9. Nice Wake Up Call You Got There

**Chapter 9: Nice Wake Up Call You Got there **

**Notes: Please note that I rated this Chapter an M as lets face it, waking up to a half naked Fenris...wow! Not too much but I hope you like, my first attempt at writing a scene like this, but if you don't like this sort of thing please don't read. Also, thank you for the follows and favourites - reviews are most welcome too! Enjoy.**

He was warm, much too warm, and his head felt like it had been pommelled for several hours.

As Fenris started to wake from a pleasantly empty slumber, his senses slowly started to come to life too. Among them was surprise, that he was sleeping on a soft mattress instead of the harder floor of his usual resting place in front of the fire at his home, the bed being long since used for firewood - not that he would have _touched_ that bed - he becomes aware of familiar legs entwined with his own.

Trying as he may his eyes wouldn't open fully, perhaps subconsciously knowing that light would hurt, he takes a deep breath, noticing with some surprise that there was no feeling of sickness.

As he breathed in his nose captured the fresh scent of verbena, the sweet and sharp aroma invading his senses and suddenly he is very sure of where he is.

Forcing his eyes open aginst the dim light, still too bright even with the drapes closed, he glances down to see one sleeping black haired woman clinging to him like a barnacle to the hull of a ship. He has discovered the reason for being overly warm.

If his head didn't hurt so much he would be able to think more clearly, but as it is he couldn't for the life of him remember how he ended up waking pressed up against Hawke, not that his present situation was in any way alarming, quite the opposite in fact.

The last thing he does remember is talking with Sebastian with himself drinking mugs of that petty excuse for an ale at The Hanged Man.

He blushes deeply at the idiotic ramblings he couldn't prevent falling from his alcohol loosened lips and fervently hoped that he did not speak plainly enough for his friend to have understood anything.

He blinks once, then twice and all of a sudden yesterdays events rush back into his mind and his arms tighten around Hawke - hes going to be a father! He smiles fleetingly at the recent revelation.

However the small smile dims as he thinks back, remembering in vivid colour the events that followed after Hawke had informed him of her condition. He left her, like a coward and as he had done already.

After all they had been through, after all he had promised, the one time she needed him he _left_ her. His arms tighten against her a second time and the movement is enough to disturb her from her sleep but not enough to wake her.

"How could I have done that to her again?" He mentally berates himself, Hawke is his life, without her he is nothing, when will he ever learn? He had spent so long looking over his shoulder and had been running for too long, the reaction to flee seemed to be his natural instinct now, but _no_ more - he was a free man but he didn't want to be anywhere else but by Hawkes side.

At least he found his way back to her, Sebastian must have helped him return, Maker help the poor sod. He must remember to thank him but later as there were more important things to consider, such as the need to apologise to Hawke, he dearly hoped that she would forgive him.

The subject of his inner brooding shifts in her sleep and softly nuzzles the skin at the base of his throat making his heart thump that little bit faster and increases the temperature of his already heated body.

He gulps and thinks for a moment deciding whether to try to settle down back to sleep as it was still quite early, or to try and wake Hawke up to apologise or beg for forgiveness and again broach the subject of yesterdays conversation they had yet, in his mind, to finish.

As he pondered this he freezes as he feels butterfly soft kisses at his throat.

"Mmmm. Hi. Good. Morning!" Hawke punctuates her words with the light kisses to his neck. "Not a bad wake up call eh?" How's the head?" Looking up at him with a yawn following her questions, her eyes clear and twinkling with light hearted mischief.

"Ah, good morning...my head is a little sore but I will live - I think - but more to the point, are _you_ well?" He looks down at her sleep filled face with his heart in his mouth, apprehension coils in his stomach.

"I should be asking you that, the condition in which you came home last night!" She smiles up at him letting him know she harboured no ill feelings towards him, instead poking a little fun at his sore head.

He swallows again and starts to make an apology "'Talia, forgive me. I know that my leaving has hurt you, but I had not been thinking - "

Hawke interrupts his apology by shuffling up the bed, up his body so they were eye to eye and brought her lips to his in a gentle kiss.

She tilts her head back and meets his confused gaze. "Fenris, you don't need to apologise to me - there's nothing to forgive!" Rubbing her nose against his she continues. "Besides, I trusted you when you said you'd return - maybe not drunk or if so, not _that_ pissed - but you said you'd be back and I believed you."

He closes his eyes suddenly filled with immense gladness and presses her close against him. "I - that is...I cannot say that I know how to be a father - but if you still wish...if you will still have me, I would like the opportunity to be. His expression lightens in response to the beaming smile that Natalia gives him, the shadow of worry leaving his eyes.

"I know that you are afraid, but I am also. Please...let me explain - I need to tell you why." Giving a small pause. "As a slave I had never given any consideration to being a parent - a father...it has always been unnatainable to me."

"The only way I was to sire a child would have been at the behest of Danarius, but he was too covetous of any other owning me or even a part of me, plus I believe he did not want me to have the knowledge that my line would continue. He did not want to give me any semblance of a normal life, or joy it seemed." He sighes heavily, and is given a reassuring squeeze too caught up in his musings to see the sadness in her eyes.

"I had also thought that the lyrium in my markings had affected my body in ways I could not begin to imagine, that maybe I was poisoned and fatherhood would never be an option to me. However when I heard you tell me you were pregnant, it was overwhelming and a belief I had held true for so many years was obviously a falsehood."

The small kisses she continues to keep giving him as he talks, proves too much of a distraction, as he tries to concentrate, but with those delightful caresses, along with her soft body pushed against his, is too much. He stops talking and moves his arm, trailing his fingers slowly up her back, over her shoulders tickling her slightly and she shivers. Brushing his fingers against her cheek he cups her face, pulling her mouth slowly to meet his, meeting her gaze with fierce longing.

The kiss deepens the instant Hawke touches his lips with her tongue and they can do nothing but give into the heat that surges between them. His own tongue meeting hers with bold, long strokes, both relishing the taste of one another, each demanding more with breathy moans. Dragging in heavy breaths, panting and flushed they break away from the drugging kisses.

After a while, calming and having caught her breath, aware that he needs to hear her reply and not wanting to delay any further despite very much enjoying the interlude, Hawke responds.

"My dear, daft, loveable" - at his disbelieving look she arches her brow at him and continues - "Fenris, I had no idea you felt like that and I'm sure it was a shock to you when I told you. That bastard, I'd kill him if he weren't already dead, I _hate_ him for all he did to you. I'm so thankful he can never hurt you again. No wonder you had a few - and I use that term loosely here - drinks. As I said before I trusted that you would return. Where else would I want you to be but by my side?"

Suddenly feeling a little emotional, she looks to him. "No matter what you think you will be a terrific father, and hey, I can't say that I'll be a great mother, but together we will try our bloody best so we should be able to bring up a half decent human - elf - being. We _will_ make mistakes, but we'll learn from them, like anything in life. As long as you don't feel the need to leave, just _talk_ to me - we can get through anything. I love you, you exasperating elf!" Moisture collecting in her blue gaze as she tries to get her feelings across.

"I truly do not deserve you." At her words he too feels the depth of her emotions as it is what he feels reflected in his own heart. His eyes reveal his relief and happiness that things are at last reconciled between them.

His breath quickens again as Hawke traces her fingers over his chest trailing the path of his markings, as she had done when he was sleeping. This time when she bends forward and follows the trail with her mouth, he shudders and moves his own hands over her body, pulling her back up towards him .

Slipping under the thin nightgown that has somehow ridden up to mid-thigh, his hands find the curve of her hips caresses her gently and his other hand moves up the line of her body he knows so well, feeling her muscles contract at his touch. He glides up her stomach and palms the soft globe of her breast through her underwear and as his thumb skims over her nipple, she arches closer to him in reaction.

With the pregnancy even this early on, there are slight changes to her body, as it readies her for the baby, her breasts becoming sensitive. As Fenris rolled her nipple softly between his thumb and index finger she felt it through the material as if it didn't exist, gasping as a tremor runs through her, zapping straight to her groin like lightening as he continues to tease. He replaces his hand with his mouth, pushing her nightgown and breast band aside to give him more access, his lips and tongue worship the budding nipple, teasing her mercilessly.

"No fair!" She whispers in frustration as the lust spikes in her belly. She moves her own hand from his chest down to his stomach, her fingernails dragging feather light over his markings, not to cause pain but pleasure. The pressure applied makes Fenris moan harshly, his eyes black pools. He finishes his ministrations leaving the moistened nipple exposed to the cooling air which adds to her arousal. Hitching up her clothes again he moves to the other breast and starts to gently suckle her.

She cannot stop herself from arching into him moaning loudly this time, moving her hands to his head and running her fingers through his hair, clinging to him. Using his teeth lightly against her he continues for a few minutes with abandoned delight and lets the elongated bud go with a small pop. Her throaty moans heighten his own arousal which show in his darkened cheeks and blush tipped ears. He again claims her mouth.

She removes her hands from his hair and back to his chest, she starts to move them lower and he growls as their eyes meet, hazy desire mirrored in each others gaze. "Too many clothes!" he manages to get out between gritted teeth. Hawke sits up and pulls the nightgown over her head, throwing it carelessly on the floor - "Better it be on the floor than torn." Thinking to herself, knowing how Fenris can get carried away, this one happened to be one of her favourites and she wanted to keep it.

Fenris struggles to remove his breeches, made difficult by his prominent arousal and his trembling fingers and she quickly moves to assist, her hand brushing against his groin in her haste and he stifles a moan at the contact.

"Sorry!" She whispers grinning and moves to "help" him again but he stops her with a small grunt "Please, not again or I may not last!" Instead she moves her hands to his waist with another grin. Neither of their fingers are co-operating well as they both quake with need, it takes them what feels like a frustratingly long age to remove them even with their combined effort.

After what seems forever, the only barrier now are her smalls, Fenris wastes no more time and deftly takes off her already loose breast band, the sight before him causing him to stall, he never tires of seeing her like this.

Her body is not that of a muscled warrior, but she trains well so is toned but remains curvy. So very beautiful, several small angry red scars highlighted by her soft pale skin, the largest one over her stomach being silvery in colour, this one had earned her the title of Champion, a reminder that she is a fighter. That she would give herself to him freely is always a cause of wonder, but then again she feels the same about him and has told him so.

The first time they had made love she had shared with a bright blush that she had never lain with another before, he had looked at her in disbelief, surely a woman as beautiful as her would have had at least one lover he had said.

Her explanation that life as an apostate she could not truly trust anyone. She had told him she did have suitors but felt that any connection she would have had with them would have been too fleeting, with travelling around too much and that is not who she is - when she loved it would have been completely and a brief affair was not something she had wanted. Besides she had been treated badly by a farm hand in Lothering who she had thought she'd been in love with and that he had loved her.

She had been seeing him for a few weeks and they had been getting a little physical, touching and kissing but when she told him she wasn't ready to sleep with him, that she needed a little time, he had became angry and violent, grabbing her lewdly and shouting horrid names. He hadn't loved her, not really, she later found out that he and his friends had made a wager that he would be the first to have sex with the new girl in town. If it hadn't been for Carver hearing the commotion Maker knows what could have happened. After getting her heart broken she had shied away from getting too involved with men - until Fenris of course.

Yet, for her to still trust him with her body and affections after hurting her so deeply was astounding to him, but he had her now and would not let her go.

He pulls her back down beside him on the bed and his hand ghosts over her still flat stomach, a look of wonder in his eyes, he smiles "To think that we have created life, and that it is growing here, that we are a family, or will be one - it is beyond my highest hopes." Still smiling as Hawke covers his hand with her own, entwining their fingers.

"I know, its difficult to believe isn't it? Though there's plenty of time to get used to it, and to decide names, do up the nursery, buy all sorts of baby things too."

"One thing at a time eh...um..." His green eyes flick to hers with a questioning look. "Are you sure it is safe for us to do this...?"

His blush is so adorable Hawke chuckles and replies with a swift kiss and a whispered "Oh, yes!" She quickly shimmies out of her smalls and at last they are both gloriously unclothed.

Edging closer towards her, he wraps their joined hands around her waist so she is enveloped by his body, his heat and the skin to skin contact causes her head to spin with desire. Reaching low into the tight space between them she gently grips his silky hard length and at his gasp, she runs her hand lightly down his impressive girth, applying more pressure and moving her thumb in low circles as she approaches his base.

His deep grunts echo the need coursing through her own body and he pulls away lest he spends himself then and there and at her questioning smirk pulls her back to him again.

He could never get enough of the taste of her mouth, of her body, he feels the heated core of her as the blunted tip of his manhood nudges ever closer and she whimpers in frustration as it is not close enough, he knows the feeling.

He moves over her and with one deep thrust at last they are joined, both moaning in ecstasy, their movements still at the feeling, taking time to savour the closeness and, changing the tempo, he begins to move.

The morning fades away as they lose themselves in each others bodies and amidst the soft moans, heavy sighs and sweat slicked skin, their gently uttered words of mutual love and adoration is an echo of the morning birdsong being sung in the world outside their window, dawning a new day, which caught up in each other they have temporarily forgotten.


	10. Whats a Drink Between Friends?

**A/N Sorry about the delay, I sort of lost my muse, but hopefully its back again! Hope its okay, any errors are my own, and I hope you enjoy.**

Chapter 10 - What's a Drink Between Friends?

She is pulled softly from her warm lazy dream by the sound of tentative knocking coming from her door.

As she wakes the lovely dream she was having starts to become fuzzy and finally having to force her eyes open, she becomes more aware of the bright glare shining through the gap in the drapes, evidence that it was well into late morning.

Never one for lying in, she stretched languidly but finds herself constricted by tightly coiled arms wrapped around her torso from behind.

Smiling widely to herself, she begins to run her hands up both arms gently.

The movement elicits a muffled moan from somewhere behind her neck. "Hmmm, I know you don't want to get up and I'm pretty sure I could stay here all day with you -" Breaking off as he starts to nuzzle her neck, making her go all tingly from the contact.

"Mmmm, as nice as that is, we have to - or maybe _I _have to - get up as someone's at the door."

This earns a low grunt in response "Leave them be - if it was important they would be breaking down the door by now." He moves, starting to pepper kisses down her neck.

Already in full agreement with him, she angles her neck to give him better access, but again they are interrupted by the knocking - this time more insistent and is followed by a small muffled voice "Um...Mistress Hawke, I do not wish to intrude, but Master Gamlen is here to see you, with a letter from Charade. He says it is very important."

Her voice full of disappointment "We'll have to continue this later, Gamlen will more than likely stay all day if I don't go down to see him, and more than likely drink all my wine." Pressing one last kiss against her he curses and confirms in a voice still thick with sleep. "I will hold you to that."

"Look forward to it." Reluctantly he loosens his hold but can't help caressing her as he does.

Now free from his embrace and feeling slightly bereft of his closeness, Hawke wrestles with the thick blanket, pushing it off her whilst calling out "No problem Orana, show him into the study and see if he wants tea, I have to get dressed but shouldn't be too long." The reply was too quiet to hear, but the soft footfalls heading away from the door were adequate notification that she had been understood.

"This had better be important!" She thinks to herself. Looking back towards Fenris who looks entirely too comfortable, lying back with his arms stretched behind his head, a smug grin the only thing he's wearing due to the fact he can rest a while longer.

Sitting up fully with a scowl (not serious of course) she scoots towards the edge of her bed, gets up and bends over to grab the discarded nightdress from last night, shoving it over her head and over her body, the movement causes her stomach to lurch and her hand flies automatically to her mouth.

She flees to the wash room which thankfully is close, being to the left of the room, next to the entrance, only just making it to the privy in time.

As she kneels over the polished wooden privy, stomach heaving, she notes the soft pad of bare feet follow her into the room and a cool damp wash cloth is pressed into the back of her neck.

Fenris mutters "Do you wish me to get you anything?" With just a slight panic to his otherwise calm voice.

The retching seems to abate, and she takes a steadying breath waiting a moment to make sure her stomach has finished emptying itself for the time being, and requests a cool glass of water. Sinking against the wall she tries to breath evenly, eyes watering and Fenris places the cloth against her forehead.

She sinks further back against the wall willing her stomach to calm, sticking her legs out in front of her to get a little more comfortable and leaves the cloth sitting against her forehead, grateful for the soothing cold.

With a promise not to be long, Fenris stands up and leaves the room.

As she feels the nausea recede, she hears him return and glances at him, noticing he had dressed in the short space of time, wearing breeches and a loose fitting tunic. He presses a half filled ice cold glass into her hand and after taking a few small sips he also places a small paper package into her free hand.

Her brow creases in confusion, and she looks up at him. He smiles back and answers her querying look with "I did say that I would purchase your favourite - sugared ginger. It may help with the sickness, although it is advantageous that your favourite treat also happens to curb nausea."

Again he smiles briefly and kisses her forehead, to which Hawke balks "I wouldn't come too close - not until I've cleaned my teeth at least!" He shrugs and straightens.

"This is something that we are sharing, or if I cannot share it with you, I would like to be here for you when you need me."

She smiles up at him and takes a few more sips from the glass and places it next to her on the floor. "Well, aside from the uncontrollable vomiting, don't worry - we _are _in this together."

Accepting the hand held out for her, when she's back on her feet and steady, Fenris mentions "Oh, as you were indisposed, I took the liberty of informing Gamlen that you will go and see him later today. It will give you a little more time to yourself." He strokes her hand with his thumb before letting it go.

She bends down for the glass, takes a mouthful of water and rinses her mouth, spitting the water into a nearby basin then opens the small package, takes a piece of ginger and pops it into her mouth with a small "Mmmm."

"I will leave you to it then - do you need anything?"

As they walk back together into the bedroom she gives her head a small shake "No, I think I have all I need, why don't you get some breakfast and I'll get something when I feel more up to it."

"See you in a bit then and thanks - you know, for being there...it felt nice,. I guess after the hundredth time, it might not be so "special!" She gives him a quick kiss and meets his eyes, he returns the kiss with heartfelt enthusiasm and they both eventually need to start breathing again so pull away gasping.

As he rests his forehead against hers, he opens his eyes and his vision is filled with her bright blue gaze and it reminds him the first time they met. Her eyes were the first thing he noticed about her.

So unusual, they were a startling blue with a darker blue outlining the irises, and then a thin band of green circled the pupils and they had drawn him to her from the start - bewitched him he had said early on in their relationship.

He had felt a spark of attraction but as the sensation was so foreign to him, he hadn't known it for what it was, and after he realised she was a _mage _of all things, the only feeling coursing through him then had been dislike, despite her awkward flirting.

However, spending time together and getting to know her as a person meant he was able to see beyond the mage and at least in the beginning found someone he could call friend, as weird as that felt initially. A friend - who at times both frustrated him with her wanton disregard for her own safety - and endeared him with the way she showed kindness without pity and her selflessness in helping others.

Love and affection towards her had crept up on him, and it had taken a while for him to work through those feelings to realise how he truly felt.

Feelings he had little hope of ever dealing with, having no experience on how to accept them as in the past he had always needed to bury them deep inside as slaves had no need for emotions of any kind.

Natalia's capacity to forgive, and as it turned out, to love unconditionally filled him with gladness. Although they had not spoken about what had happened between them for years, they had remained friends, if a little distant but it was sufficient for him to have even that amount of contact with her.

When he found out that the abomination harboured feelings towards _his _Hawke, he had felt confusion as the jealousy reared itself within him, having never really experienced it before.

He had seen them grow close, possibly due to the fact that they were both mages, and started to think maybe it was they who belonged together and that it was through his own actions if he lost her. However with huge relief, he had found out that his jealousy had been unfounded and that Natalia hadn't returned the mages affections.

In a small way - a very small way - he did feel a little modicum of pity for the abomination. That they both loved the same woman was a surprise indeed, but that she had chosen a man who, when they first met, had openly hated mages was even more of a surprise.

As Fenris made his way down to the kitchen, Hawke raided her wardrobe for clothes and set about having a bath. It was an advantage being in a noble estate with a functioning bathing room, with modern privy and varnished wooden bath - trying to stay reasonably clean when living at Gamlens home was a trial indeed.

Orana and Bodahn must have already half filled the tub with water, smiling to herself as she stuck her finger in the water, pulled forth her magic and the small room began to fill with steam. The water wasn't overly hot, but just enough to ease her tired muscles. She took the lemon scented cake of soap sitting in the little dish hanging on the side of the bath and began to wash.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Chewing on the dry piece of toasted bread she'd taken from the kitchen, she followed a few steps behind Fenris caught up in her own little world.

At the small kitchen table, she had informed him of her plan of reducing her fighting and just helping out Sebastian with potions and deliveries and of course he had wholeheartedly agreed that this was the best option for her, relief shining in his eyes.

After a brief hesitant pause she then told him of his drunken episode and that he had unwittingly already told Aveline and Sebastian about their baby and with a rather red face he had apologised, where she giggled and let him know it was alright as he'd be embarrassed enough for both of them.

The next step was to tell what remained of their other friends - sober.

Apart from the numerous stares from the nobles and traders alike both at the marked elf and the beautiful Champion, the journey through the market was uneventful, and also quiet enough through the passages down to Lowtown.

As they both stopped outside The Hanged Man, looking up at the grossly exaggerated dummy strung upside down - it never failed to give her goosebumps that thing. As she shivered she also steeled herself for the smells that would evade her senses. Small shallow breaths would help, possibly so as Fenris opened the door she took a small breath and went in.

The cloying smell of ale and sour vomit rose up to meet her and she prayed that she wouldn't be sick - again, but as they ventured further into the dingy tavern found that it wasn't as bad as she had feared she still popped a little ginger into her mouth to make sure.

At this time of the morning it wasn't as busy but there were the regulars even at this hour. Giving a small nod in greeting to Corff, noting that Nora looked her usual harried self, they made their way deeper into the room, walking around the patches of blood that spattered the floor - remnants of past drunken brawls, some of which Isabela herself had instigated.

As they approached Varric's door she felt a warm calloused hand press into hers followed by a reassuring squeeze. Her eyes darted to his and he winked at her - lightening the sudden apprehension lining her stomach she gives a soft giggle and grasps his hand that little harder, grateful for the surprising shot of humour and after mouthing "Thanks - love you" at him knocked on the heavy wooden door.

After a few tense moments they hear muffled sounds, shuffling, a stifled bang followed by a louder curse and then footsteps. Several beats later and a lot of clanking as locks were being turned, the door opens a crack and a set of eyes peer through the darkness. "Sodding nug shit Hawke! Something up?" Flinging the door open wide he gestures for them to come in.

The room, as ever is toasty warm, thanks to the constantly burning fire, the many carvings and home furnishings making the otherwise plain room most inviting.

She glance down and hesitates. "Nothing too serious, but I - that is - we need to speak to you. Um...we could come back later when you're up and about?" Varric glances up at them both at once sensing the nerves emanating from them in waves. Ever the observer he knows there's a story here, so he waves her off and asks them to sit while he gets them all something to drink.

After they have all sat down and got comfy, Fenris reaches gently for Hawke's knee and squeezes it in another hopefully reassuring gesture and as she covers his hand with hers they both smile at each other.

All the while the dwarf misses nothing, noticing the small touches and glances between the two. "As their eyes meet, the room vanishes and all they see is each other..." His storytelling runs through his mind and at the same time he wonders why they are here, tension running riot in the small room.

Not one for waiting around he enquires after taking a sip of his drink. "So..."

Hawke nurses her drink, staring into is as if it had all the answers, plucking up the courage she looks up from the cold beverage, takes another breath "Well, I haven't been feeling well, for a little while and as it turns out (giving a quick glance for courage in Fenris's direction) - Fenris and I are having a baby!"

She lifts her hands from the death grip on her mug and places them on the table and looks directly at Varric waiting for his reaction.

His eyes widen in shock "Ancestors sodding paragon licking ass Hawke! When I said that women would be having broody babies in the elfs honour, I never thought that you'd be one of them - and with the elf himself no less!"

At this Hawke's mouth twists, a little hurt at the comment, but he notices her crestfallen expression and backtracks. "Well shit - sorry - I just didn't think that this would be one of the many outcomes of this particular tale. I don't know what to say. I take it that it's good news? Well, you're here together so it must be - right?"

Natalia's eyes shift from Varric to Fenris and with a quiet "Yes, very much." from him he takes her hand and rubs her knuckles.

It soothes her and she comments "It's not something we planned, but we're having the baby so yes - good news. We've also been discussing this and thought that you might...as you are a good friend, the best and we both trust you, so should anything happen to either of us, we would like you to be the childs guardian - that's if you want to?"

At this he inhales a sharp breath and for want of a better word, is overcome with emotion, in that small moment he actually is very moved at their proposal. Of course he would if pressed, suggest that it was nothing more that smoke from the fire getting into his eyes causing them to water a little - but they are tears nonetheless.

"Wouldn't Aveline or Sebastian, even Donnic be more suitable? I mean I'm all for equal rights and all that but are you sure?"

Answering him with her own wide smile she meets his watery gaze. "Oh Varric - you are so perfect for this - witty, charming and there's no one better we'd like to do this for us. Of course, we're going to ask Aveline too, as sort of an Aunt so it'll be less pressure for you, so don't worry."

She springs up and after running round the absurdly long table, gives him a rare hug to which he awkwardly pats her back, all the while glancing gingerly towards Fenris who more than anything has a look of contentment about him - perhaps even happiness, as he smiles at Hawke. "Well paint me pink and call me a nug." He thinks to himself, shocked - again his mind taking it all in and unravelling the details so that he can wind it back together into a brilliant tale, but that would be later.

As Hawke stands up she hears a metallic clink and looks up back towards the now open door.

"Well well - early morning visits eh? Not to mention a baby Fenris on the way. Congratulations is in order I guess?" Isabela smirks her way into the room, her swagger exaggerated as always.

Natalia regains her equilibrium and replies "Hiya Izzie. We were coming to see you but you've saved us the trip and, from that comment I see you overheard us?" Moving back to sit next to Fenris, who has been quiet, she looks to the pirate who has sauntered over to sit by Varric, plonking herself heavily down onto the vacant seat.

She then moves towards Hawke and with a tut reaches across and picks up her mug with a "In your condition - drinking! _Not_ allowed!" Then proceeds to drain the whole thing in one gulp, placing the mug back down with a flourish whilst wiping the back of her mouth with her hand. "Ooh the good stuff!"

Still not able to figure out what Isabela is thinking she stays silent, as do they all and the tension for some reason has creeped back into the room, and at a loss as to why, Hawke remains quiet.

The two women's eyes meet and she swears that she sees a fleeting look of loss, if not pain, in the chocolate-brown eyes peering back at her, but in a flash the moments lost leaving her wondering if she'd imagined it. "So I take it that the smouldering, glistening elf has "established his cannon" far too well?"

The mouthful of ale Fenris had taken to quench his sudden thirst is suddenly spewed all over the table - mainly directed at Isabela.

A few shocked gasps aside, she moves to wipe the now warm, dripping ale out of her eyes and off her face and meets Hawkes eyes again with a smirk and with a "See what I mean?" Like that the tension that had thickened the room evaporates and they all chuckle, although Fenris's cheeks are pink with embarrassment.

"You do know that this will take all the fun out of travelling with you - probably means you'll get all scared and run off to "rest" a lot?"

The sparkling humour in her eyes takes away the venom in the statement and Hawke replies with genuine relief "Yes, I know I have to take care of myself more so now. So I won't be going on any more quests, ones that involve traps, poison, mercenaries, hulking ogres. So yes - sorry to be a party pooper on that front - but what do you really think? I mean as a friend..." Trailing off and again blue eyes meet brown.

"I don't really have any idea what you want me to say...but if you're happy then I'm happy, just don't expect me to look after it when its born. Screaming, helpless shitty small objects are _so _not my thing - I prefer them tall and able to look after themselves." Her gaze softens to let her know she doesn't mean to be harsh but its her way and all she knows.

To soften the blow she goes over to Hawke and gives her a hug, even getting a small grope in amongst it, not one to miss an opportunity to which see feels a sharp sting as Fenris flicks her hand, and with a small whisper of "Don't worry pet, I'll be here if you need me." into her ear, pulls away from her and with a feigned disgusted "I need to get changed - I have elf juice all over me!" Flounces off out of the room.

Sighing Natalia presses her hand to her forehead with "At least that's out of the way - awkward much?"

With a cheeky smile Varric states "Never say the Rivani isn't entertaining eh? Don't mean to be rude Hawke but can I have a bit of space to at least get ready for whatever else today throws at me please? Early visitors knocked me off my game! Oh, I never did give you my answer, but yes I would very much like to be "Uncle Varric" - has a very nice ring to it don't you think?"

Smiling as they get up together he sees tears appear in Hawke's eyes. "Hey don't you start with the misty eyes, I make it a point never to cry in ths tavern - reputations to uphold and all that!"

Fenris comes to the rescue as seeing and hearing the panic from Varric, he grabs Hawke's hand and pulls her towards the door with a "Thank you, it means a lot to us - see you later for a game?"

"Wouldn't miss it." Comes the reply, tinged with a little gratefulness.

Still hand in hand, they make their way down the stairs, meeting the rather strange man along the way, the one who talks to himself. Giving him a wide berth, they go back down the stairs continuing towards the entrance.

Hawke glances down at their joined hands. "Its getting easier for you isn't it?" She isn't surprised at the soft warmth she finds in his eyes.

He lifts her hand to his mouth and kisses her palm and with a small smile "You are not hard to love."

They both make their way out of the tavern, the day now seeming brighter to them.


	11. Broken Chains, Captured Soul

Chapter 11 Broken Chains, Captured Soul

**A/N I did want to include a bit about Carver in this chapter, but thought that it would have been too long-winded and that it would just be rather nice with a padding out of the dynamics between Hawke's and Fenris's relationship and a few quiet moments for them, so not to worry will have this in the next chapter. This ones filled with A LOT of fluff so be warned!**

**And thank you so much for the favourites and follows, and if anyone finds themselves wanting to give me their opinion, I won't say no!**

Shifting in his seat, Fenris felt decidedly uncomfortable in the small, well-kept home. It wasn't overly large but despite Merrill's claim of it being seriously untidy, it was clean enough to him, though perhaps he wasn't the best judge.

His eyes took in the mass of books piled high on each table, in fact there were so many books they were also stacked around the surrounding floor space. He didn't want to acknowledge that is was familiarly like his own home, that their hunger for the written word was something they had in common.

Albeit his interest in literature rested in history, war stories, the occasional fictional book and also some of Varric's off beat tomes that had somehow found themselves stuffed into his bookshelves, but as he thought with an inward snarl - definitely in no way connected to anything related to blood mages and their prohibited practices.

This was the one thing he couldn't get his head around, why Hawke insisted on being friends with the Dalish elf. Mind you Hawke didn't in any way agree with the genre of magic she practiced, but due to her nature made room in her life and heart enough that she became her friend. So begrudgingly he tolerated her presence, but only when in other company.

He found her wilfully ignorant, sometimes child like even in her approach to things of the world, but openly consorting with demons crossed a line he could not, and would not forgive.

Again he shifted in his seat, alert and wary as Merrill carried the small tray filled with tea and sticky honey cakes over to where they sat, the concentration clear on her delicately tattooed face.

"I hope you like the tea, its peppermint." As she placed the tray in front of her she makes herself comfortable and began to pour the liquid from a clay pot into small earthenware cups, handing them to her unexpected but appreciated visitors.

"Yes, thanks Merrill" replied Hawke, looking much more comfortable in the young mages presence, helping herself to a cake and sitting back and balancing the small cup on her knee with a sigh of contentment, takes a sip of the hot refreshing beverage.

Sparing a quick glance at Fenris she chews and swallows her mouthful and starts to speak "You're probably wondering why we're here, especially together?" Pointing out that although her and Merrill visited each other often, Fenris would not have made his way to the alienage willingly or without some urgent motive.

She breaks off to take another bite of the warm, delicious cake which is rapidly disappearing and smothers a small moan. She has _such _a sweet tooth!

At a small impatient cough, she opens her eyes and gives a small nod to Fenris knowing he is uncomfortable but not wanting to rush things. "We've told everyone else, well that's not exactly true, but anyone that matters to us knows."

She then thinks of Carver and resolves to write a long letter to let him know whats going on.

Glancing at Merrill's now confused face, she sits up straighter and finishing off the cake, brushes unseen crumbs from her lap, continues. All the while thinking that this news although happy was difficult for her to tell people, especially her friends, but it is and she doesn't know why.

"I - well, I suppose I should get right to the point really...Fenris and I are going to be parents, give or take another 8 months or so -" All she's aware of is a pink, brown and green blur combined with a high-pitched squeal headed towards her.

It really is a miracle that table, books, tea-tray and accoutrements are not knocked to the ground, but thanks to the nimble elf nothing crashes to the floor, except nearly Hawke herself as she's knocked back into her chair by a now very over excited elf.

"Creators! Isn't that wonderful, so very exciting lethallan, I'm so very happy for you!" Still squealing with her arms wrapped round Hawke, practically sitting in her lap now.

Despite his reservations, even Fenris shows a small smile at her joy filled reaction.

Moving her head away to create a little space "Yes it is, aside from all the vomiting so far which isn't that exciting, but thank you. Would you be up for child care duty then?" Smiling down at the excited eyes she doesn't notice the smile fading slightly on Fenris's face.

"Of course I will!" Slipping out of her lap and back into her own chair she starts up her excited chatter again. "Have you thought of any names yet? Do you know if it's a girl or a boy? I hope they have your hair - they will be beautiful no matter anyway. What if they're a mage like you, wouldn't Fenris be angry?"

At this innocent comment they both look towards him and he shrugs, not wanting to have that particular conversation in front of anyone but in private.

She continues with the babbling conversation, slipping quick questions out in between sips of tea and bites of cake, scattering large crumbs about haphazardly with both Fenris and Hawke trying to reply when they could and at the same time hopelessly trying avoid the mini cake avalanche.

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After all the excitement it is a small relief to escape into the relative quiet of the alienage, however Natalia notices that as Fenris stands quietly beside her there's an air of brooding radiating off him in waves, whatever he is thinking cannot be good.

She looks at him and with a sigh asks "What's on your mind? I know you still don't like Merrill, and you don't agree with my offering her to look after our child, but for the Makers sake, it's not as if she's going to do anything wrong - to a child!"

He narrows his gaze and she shifts her feet waiting with bated breath for his reply. He closes his eyes and with his own heavy sigh relents. "I apologise. I find it difficult being present in her company still. I spent so long with magisters, the distrust will always be with me - especially with blood magics. However as the father of our child, I feel I should get to make, or at least share in the decisions about their welfare. So please I ask you to also consider my opinion in these matters?"

At his words she feels a little taken aback, not thinking of how he would feel and at the same time not meaning to make him feel left out.

Moving closer to him she lightly touches his shoulder, gathering her thoughts. "I'm so sorry, I've not had to consider anyone elses opinion in what feels like forever, and yes, I'm aware that decisions I made before nearly always only affected me. Being with you has made me adjust my way of thinking, that it's not just me on my own now, and that what I do doesn't only affect me but you too, and I love that." Her fingers absent-mindedly play with the red sash tied around his wrist.

"I guess this is something that we will learn as we go along, and I apologise now if I do anything to hurt you - unintentionally of course."

Her blue eyes look to him with a little plea for understanding. "Please...I know we won't always agree with my friendship with Merrill, but I honestly believe she is a kind soul who has travelled down the wrong path because she didn't have the correct guidance. I hope in time to steer her away from blood magic."

She grips his hands, fervently hoping he is taking her words to heart. "Besides if I'm not there to instill caution, don't you think her future will be darker without me? I mean she doesn't have her clan since they shunned her, and I think the demon killing the only mother figure she's ever known has scarred her so deeply she may never want to deal with demons again. But I want to help her - you know me, always a helper!"

She tries to ease her grip, not wanting to hurt him and with a barely there smile filled with trepidation, asks "So...am I forgiven?"

Trying to hide the small smile suddenly gracing his handsome face, he leans in closer to her and whispers "Make it up to me later?" Wide blue eyes meet green and her ghost of a smile changes into one of mirth. "Hey, I'm beginning to think you only want me for one thing...but I'm sure I can think of something..." Kissing the end of his nose to take the sting out of the comment, she moves away from him to the nearby stall, looking at the various wares for sale.

Amongst the jewellery, scarves and household objects, she spies a delicate silver ring that catches her eye, its small and very pretty but simple, the oval stone at one glance is silvery sky blue but as she picks it up notices that it flashes a shimmering leafy green - but she's not here to shop so she reluctantly puts it back down, the stall owners face falling at the loss of a sale.

All the while Fenris is watching her closely, and when she makes towards the large Vhenadahl to admire the tree itself as well as the gifts and offerings around it, he moves along with her in silence, knowing this is not the end of their conversation.

In a quiet voice she asks "Fenris - our child, they will be half-elf but also half-human...so I was thinking I'd like to be able to tell him or her about both of our histories. I mean it will be easy for me as I have a wealth of memories and both my parents kept journals, but I don't really know how you feel about yours - not the slave bit, not yet anyway. Although it's an important part of your history too and we can tell them when they can understand, when they're older. Plus I was thinking that you could tell them what you remember of your childhood - that's - that's if you want to of course?"

Shyly glancing sideways at him, noticing him staring unseeing up through the heavy green branches of the huge tree, and after a few moments he replies "My past is just that - my past - but I have no shame in what I went through, it has made me stronger than I had thought - and brought me to you."

He directs his serious gaze at her. "I once thought that I could not get past the pain that reliving my memories brought, but now I am fully aware of the price that _not _facing them would cost me. The journal you gave me has been such a great aid to me. Over time I have been able to face more of them, and putting quill to paper...well, it has been a journey at times sad but along with those are moments filled with joy. You know this as I share everything I write down with you, and it is a path I would not dare face without you. So yes...I think it would be a valued gift for our son or daughter to have both of our histories - though as you say my full past is better left when they are of an age to understand."

He gives a small pause but continues, knowing he had to get this off of his chest before it ate away at them both. "Merill brought up a very important matter, among the inane chatter."

His eyes become soft as he voices his concerns to her, at that moment nerves press against him but he is also glad they are free to talk about such things without fear of hurting one another. "I know that you are afraid - that I fear our child will be a mage, and that you think I will shy away from any affection, or even love them less because of it."

When she opens her mouth to protest, he places his finger gently on her lips, motioning to her that he needed to say his piece.

"Being with you, watching you fight and use your magic to defend those worth defending, and seeing it used against those who would take your life and try to end the lives of those you hold dear, including myself, has made me realise that your way is how magic is meant to be wielded. It is a part of you that you have accepted, and because I am yours and you are mine I too have accepted this. You have magic in you, and I do not love you any less for it. No other mage has ever inspired that kind of awe in me, and I know that you do not use your talents lightly."

His words are so very beautiful and her eyes at once fill with happy tears.

There isn't an answer she can give to match his heartfelt words, at least not at this moment, so she vows to herself to show him how overwhelmed and touched she finds them, later when they are alone.

He lightly traces her lips with his finger, and knows his feelings are a reflection shining in her tear filled blue eyes. "I will love our children no matter what they are born as. I am not denying that it would be a hard life if they _were_ mages, but with you as a mother they would have all the guidance they would ever need. I vow to protect them and shield them from danger, but we will get through that if we need to."

She smiles at that last comment "Children? We haven't even had this little one and you're wanting more?" He shrugs and smiles back at her "I do not want our first to grow up alone, but that is a discussion another time."

Hawke takes his hand and, resting her head on his shoulder, with his arm wrapped round her, in an exceptional moment of contentment they both soak up the peaceful space.

With the chattering sounds of the melodic bird song and the gentle wind rustling through the leaves, both of them can declare in that moment anyway, they feel a small measure of peace.

With a small, quiet "Thank you. You know, despite what anyone says, this really is a fantastic tree, a real thing of beauty." Having never felt more loved in her life, she somehow _knows_ that everything will be alright.

She pulls him towards the exit, where he shows no resistance and with her head still resting on his shoulder, they take their sweet time leaving the alienage.


	12. Letters and Past Regrets

chapter 12 Letters and Past Regrets

**A/N In my last play through of DA2 I actually got max friendship between Carver and Hawke, don't ask me how, but I do feel that despite their differences that as a family unit they would need to put these aside in the interest of survival, and my Hawke is ever the nice one (I do hate being a hater in games!). Just a little chapter about family.**

Laying her staff against the bench in the entrance hall she says "We'll get something to eat - _starving _by the way - then I need to write a letter to Carver to let him know he's going to be an uncle. Then maybe head to Gamlens to see what all the fuss was about this morning?"

Walking into the main room, they both head directly to the kitchen, not being able to resist the delicious mouth-watering aromas wafting in their direction.

As always, the young blonde elf was cooking up a storm, several pots boiling on the open fire and at the same time the kitchen itself was immaculate, Orana had proved a vital addition to their household.

Still very nervous around strangers, she rarely crossed the threshold to venture into the main city itself, preferring to potter around the humble well-kept garden on the estate and helped tend the small herb gardens.

Though, mess with anything in the kitchen itself, then you're inviting trouble as it was the one area in the house that Orana came out of her shell.

Hawke remembered one time where she had invited the girls round for a girls night in, and Izzie had snuck into the kitchen to pilfer some freshly made chocolate cakes, but had only just made it out with her fingers intact. The petite elf, who had appeared from nowhere had caught her snooping and had then menacingly stood guard with a rolling-pin of all things!

Izzie had seen the funny side and had left the kitchen with a flurry of apologies giggling to herself.

With a cheerful hello in greeting to Orana, Hawke slid into the seat next to Fenris, who was already pouring her a mug of water and himself a mug of wine at the same time watching the activity around him with great interest.

Todays meal was a rich beef stew, with chunky vegetables and still warm crusty bread with lashings of butter to which they both tucked into with enthusiasm, not wanting to waste a drop, their soft voices lost among the louder noises of the kitchen.

A while later, with Fenris out in the yard taking advantage of the sunlight and making small repairs to his rather massive great sword, Hawke settled at the modest desk in her room.

She grabbed a roll of parchment, picked up a newly sharpened quill and opened the ink well ready to start that letter, allowing herself to think about her brother and how much she _missed _him.

Although, they hadn't always been as close as they were now.

Closing her eyes as she remembered with not so much a fresh sadness, but an ache born of past regrets due to the waste of the lost time.

Precious time spent arguing, mostly due to Carvers antagonistic almost vicious attitude he'd had towards her - his own petty jealousy creating a rift between them that she had fought hard against and sought harder to repair.

It wasn't her fault that she and Bethany had been born mages and that their father needed to spend more of his precious time nurturing their talents, to make sure they were no danger to themselves or others. Her father had loved them all equally, but despite knowing this Carver had felt bitter and resentful.

She knew that Carver _did_ love her, deep down, but it seemed he hadn't liked her very much and therefore hadn't made a lot of time for her which had been hurtful.

Bethany's death had hit them all hard, but as he shared a family link none of them were ever to understand, he'd kept his grief buried until they had returned from obtaining their grandfathers will for mother - he had angrily blamed her for not saving their sister, his twin.

The open shock that had registered on his face would have been comical had it not been for the seriousness of the discussion when she had tearfully agreed with him, guilt shining in her eyes, and at her admission his temper had rapidly cooled with the wind being knocked out of his sails.

Her finding letters which had revealed his namesake had in a big way, helped to breach the gap between them further. Discovering that he'd been named after a Templar who his father had greatly respected, meant he had something of his own to link him personally with their father and in that respect, their families history.

Although he usually disagreed with Natalia's choices - mainly out of spite - he did appreciate his inclusion in the many adventures they travelled.

It wasn't until the famed Deep Roads expedition that things came to a head. Everything that happened on that fateful journey was forever etched into her mind. From the bright sun burning high above them, the ever-present soar of the eagles in the sky, to the distress filled eyes of their mother when she had agreed that Carver should join them despite the protests.

To this day, she regretted going against her mothers wishes but to have gone without him was at that time unthinkable, and having no way to know what was to happen, they had all been blind to the dangers they were about to expose themselves to.

With anguish she pictured the sight of a usually formidable woman walking away, shoulders slumped in defeat, and she had not been able stop herself from running after her, embracing her and asking for forgiveness with a small promise to keep him safe.

That promise hadn't gone to plan and she had felt like an utter failure, what with Carver nearly falling to the blight. Again she thanked the Maker for Ander's intervention as if he hadn't had another option to bring him to the Grey Wardens, she more than likely would have had to end his suffering at her own hands, and that would have killed her.

With the few sporadic letters she'd received from him it seemed that he had finally found his own path, not that she would have loathed it at all if he'd still been with her, but in her own heart she had known that for him to find some sort of happiness, he would have found a way to leave and carve out his own destiny eventually.

At least his letters showed that he was no longer fuelled by the anger that had filled his heart for so long, and for that she was most grateful. If anything he now understood and appreciated the role his elder sister had played in his life, and actually made small jokes about him being under her shadow. The jokes were in no way meant as a slight to her, but tempered with love.

When the Qunari had declared open war against the Viscount and people of Kirkwall, their chanced brief meeting wasn't filled with anger or bitterness, but mutual sorrow over the death of their beloved mother and tinged with a small relief that Natalia's own hand had killed the mage responsible.

Soon after that horrific day, two separate attempts at kidnap had brought them together again and they had unravelled a plot against them, had joined forces like old times, to battle rogue wardens and an ancient evil. Being together through that long drawn out battle they had bonded even further, especially after discovering long-held secrets about their father and mother - instead of pushing them further apart drew them together.

Wiping the tears from her eyes preventing from them dripping on the blank page "Wow, seriously I am _so_ emotional right now!" Hawke dips the quill into the ink and starts to write.

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Dear Carver,

I trust that things are well, and this letter finds you safe and relatively unscathed? Well as safe as you can be in these trying times!

Enclosed is a little gift for you, just a little coin, so maybe you can buy some ink paper and quills - just a hint x

Firstly, it would be lovely for you to write more often, and yes I know I don't write as much as I said I would, but I do send something at least one a month, so you can't sit there with that scowl and argue with me so there, much as you'd like to.

Being "Champion" is busy but it's not as glamorous as it sounds - just fixing other people's problems really - mostly involving knives and traps which are aimed at me and my friends. Missing it much? I know I would like to have a break from it all.

Blaze sends his hugs, well, that's if he could hug of course, but if you were here he'd definitely be slobbering all over you, he knows how much you _love_ that!

Everything is okay here, quiet enough would you believe? Still the odd faction out for my blood - no pun intended here. After the Qunari episode and with Meredith tightening the already restrictive reigns, some are too afraid to step out of line. She is a little scary, there's a look in her eye I don't trust, but hopefully everything will be roses from here on in, if she would only stop arguing with every mage she sees. Not me - I try to stay out of her way.

I miss having you by my side, but it's great to hear you're all grown up, but when I do have trouble, more often than not Fenris is here for me.

Just if you didn't get that glaringly obvious hint - he and I are together. I know you two didn't get on before you left, but I never told you who to love so I would appreciate it if you showed the same courtesy, please? Yes, I do love him very much and can't see myself with anyone else - ever.

Sorry for making you feel sick there with that little awfully sweet admission, but there really isn't any other way to tell you.

Yes he's an ex-slave and an elf and he did hurt me a while ago, but we've both gotten past that. Mother was actually happy for me, so I hope you are too...please?

Anyway, it's a little late if you don't agree, you see - you're going to be an uncle!

Now don't scowl and no, Fenris doesn't need to be beaten to a pulp so stay where you are, until you've calmed down at least. It was to say, a bit of a shock for us both, but we're very much looking forward to it now. We've got about 8 months to get used to the idea.

To be honest I am aware that Mother would have wanted me married before children came along, but I hope she's watching over us with a smile. I really miss her and I really don't know how I'm going to do this without her. I am scared - there, I said it - me scared of something, please don't fall off your seat!

I've already got an amazing bunch of people willing to help me out, but it isn't the same as I know a piece of me is still afraid without her, so yes I wish you were here, but you're not so I have to make the best of it. Mind you I'm not sure what you would do, apart from a lot of pacing and brooding, but I've got my own brooding champion for that, but having you here would be nice.

Not sure what I would prefer, boy our girl, but I hope its healthy and fat! No names yet either but please write with your suggestions, nothing to vulgar or stupid. However, I was thinking of Carver for a middle name - and on this I am totally serious, it's a good name, a strong one.

So there you have it, all the news of the week, please write soon, I do wish someone would invent some sort of contraption that would speed up the letter delivery process as you know I'll be getting all anxious for your reply worrying what you think.

Before you start worrying about me, I've already decided to stop fighting and I'll be helping out at the Chantry so staying out of trouble.

As I said earlier in the letter, please find the coin enclosed and don't worry I can afford it, and this is _really_ your share. Oh and Izzie sends her regards - anything to tell me brother dear?

Maker bless you and keep you.

Lots of love

Natalia

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Waiting for the ink to dry, Hawke folds the letter and places a rather large coin purse within the folds of the parchment and, picking up the nearby lit candle uses it to melt a stump of sealing wax, waits for a blob to drop and presses the ring with the Hawke crest against the cooling wax. Dipping the quill in the ink again she turns the now thick letter over and writes Carver's address on the blank space.

Leaving the letter on the side of the desk, ready for posting later, she sighs and stretches out the kinks in her neck and wonders what the time is.

Standing up and walking to the bathing room, she washes her blackened fingers free of the ink and goes to check on how Fenris is getting on.


	13. Chapter 13 - Shock Not Awe

Chapter 13 - Shock Not Awe

**A/N Well folks I'm back. Yay! I have spent a large part of my time playing - and I must say loving - Dragon Age Inquisition. I've my first play through out of my system so managed to write another chapter. Its got a few twists, something that I'm working on, and I will try to get the next one up ASAP, but I hope you like.**

Curiosity is mostly a positive quirk, of course only when you don't find yourself swamped in trouble at the end of it all course, and Hawke was by nature a little curious, which is why she found herself standing in pure puzzlement after checking a small pile of bags which had been left by the front door.

It wasn't until after realising she recognised a familiar slightly warn tunic neatly folded and placed on top of one of the bags, her heart missed a beat and stupid, silly thoughts had run through her head.

Standing there for a few moments more, replaying the beautiful, unexpected and heartfelt words Fenris had spoken to her earlier her heart kicked back into normal rhythm. She knew he wouldn't leave her - not after all he said - she knew that to the very depth of her soul, but it still hadn't prevented random thoughts entering her head like they had. So she pushed the errant thoughts out of her mind and went in search of her other half.

Stepping out into the small, neatly tended stone-walled courtyard just outside that Fenris used for training, although gloriously filled with sunshine at this time of day, she found it was bereft of one lanky elf so went to check the kitchens, but Orana had no idea where he'd gotten to either.

After another few fruitless minutes, there was no sign of him anywhere. Not worrying all that much, okay maybe just a little as he hadn't mentioned going out at all, she also felt frustrated that her curiosity would for now, remain unanswered until he returned from wherever he had gone off to.

So with a grumpy huff she went to console herself with some tea and a bit of decidedly sinful walnut cake - maybe she'll have _two_ slices.

The estate itself was kept in a very neat condition, with nearly all the thanks going to Orana and Bodahn, as Hawke did try to tidy up after herself, but sometimes her mind would be preoccupied so she wasn't as neat as she wanted, and after spending a few minutes putting away laundry, making the bed and shuffling papers she found herself at a loss for something to do.

After all, Fenris had said that he had wanted to go visit Gamlen with her, but he wasn't here, and she was beginning to feel a little _bored_.

Spying the as yet undelivered letter on her desk and after a second of contemplation, she made her mind up, thinking to herself "I can post this and at the same time see what that uncle of mine wants." Snatching the heavy letter off the desk, she makes her way out of the house, picking her staff up along the way, only just remembering to shout out to Orana that she was going to post a letter then head on to Gamlen's, and if Fenris wanted to join her later he was most welcome to.

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After the Qunari attack, everyday life in the markets and most residential areas of the city had gotten back to normal, well as much as it could for some.

Though after one particularly brutal attack where an entire family had died, what was left of their home was eventually knocked down and a small garden planted in its stead, along with three benches where people could come and either pay their respects to the family or sit in contemplation and grieve for their own losses if need be.

It had become something of a small memorial garden, where someone had donated a small, delicate statue of Andraste holding a small brazier and the flame tended by a sweet old man Hawke spoke to often, but had never learnt his name.

On this rare occasion, the place was empty and Hawke sat down on the nearest seat, as she did absent-mindedly noticed a small vine like purple flower growing up the side of the bench, she knew what it was but the name escaped her.

Deciding to take time and enjoy the lovely day, Hawke closes her eyes and sits back, offering her own prayer asking that He watched over her extended family and that they could be all kept safe, she couldn't think of not having any of them by her side and would always fear for them.

Hawke was not an idiot and knew deep down that the fragile peace this city had found would not last, not with the mages and templars at each others throats on a nearly daily basis.

There was a restlessness in the air, like the city was holding its breath or something - that's how it felt to her at least.

With a resigned, weary sadness with the niggling feeling that something big was on the horizon that would change all of their lives - but not knowing _what_, she finished her prayer as she placed her hand on her stomach she hoped with all her being that this little one would be brought into the world safely. "Well for one thing your father and I will fight to protect you, so would everyone else for that matter."

She imagined a baby girl and in a flash Bethany came into her mind and an ache washed over her as she thought about her dear, beloved sister. Beth would have loved the prospect of being an aunt, would have revelled in the news that there would be a child to play with and to teach things to.

Just another loss she'd had to endure - when Bethany had died she had felt so guilty, would have done anything to switch places with her, but that was when the rawness of her sister's death had been so new.

In fact, her wilful disregard for her own life had been the thing that brought her and her mother together again.

Having been treated for injuries after a trip to the Wounded Coast, Leandra had chastised her for not taking more care of herself and that had resulted in an argument that had, unbelievably cleared the air.

After the Deep Roads, Hawke had distanced herself from her mother, mostly out of guilt but also the fact that as the oldest child, she had responsibilities to care for her family and, with Carver gone, yes they had money now, but she had failed to protect him, and knew her mother blamed her.

Or rather thought the blame lay with her, but the argument had forced them to finally talk to each other and in the tear filled hugs that followed they had again became close. The time they spent together was one of the things that Hawke treasured, but she just wished they'd had more time as it had been far too short, but then again, no amount of time would have been enough.

Snapping out of her musings, she glances down at the thick letter in her lap, turning it over and thinking that it wouldn't post itself, she gets up and makes her way into the market, waving at Worthy in greeting and stands at the back of the small line outside the messenger depot, pays the too high price for first class messenger and arranges for notification upon delivery, sets off down into Lowtown towards Gamlens home.

Remembering with a shudder the cramped bedroom she used to share, and the rather weird smell of cabbage, that was _always_ pointed out to her, she knocks lightly on the door and doesn't have to wait long before its opened hurriedly, with Gamlen peeking through the dark gap. "Oh, Natalia, I was wondering when you'd get here - you certainly took your time!"

She let the comment wash over her as she knew how snarky he could be, it was just his way and there was no point in a retort as he would just get grumpier, so putting on a fake smile she replies "So happy to see you too, you going to let me in?"

He immediately opens the door and ushers her in and after shutting the door he turns towards her, but before they both can say anything further a heavily accented voice speaks from somewhere in the darkened corner of the room "Well, well - welcome my dear."

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_A month later..._

Walking along the dimly lit main hall, with the weight of history baring down on him from the huge commemorative tapestries adorning the high stone walls in so many colours, some vivid and others faded with time, the minutely and often gory detailed scenes of battles long past, he speeds up his pace trying to get out of there as soon as possible.

They never failed to send shivers down his spine those things. He was all for celebrating glory when achieved, but as the once teaming halls were now barely filled, save a few hundred brothers and sisters in arms, reality was most definitely different to hearsay.

For some stationed here - including himself, the monuments and trophies were now seen as merely echoes of what the Grey Wardens once were and he felt like he lived in a museum with all the unused axes, swords and shields hanging off the walls, not to mention the huge ogre horns and other bones on display in glass cabinets.

Instead of feeling triumph at being part of the Grey Warden legacy, he felt disheartened, especially with the non-existent First Warden barely showing his face to any of the new recruits, if at all. Wasn't he meant to visit and see his subordinates in action, to perhaps take a more pro-active role teaching or at least boosting morale instead of never being here?

Wearily he made his way to the main banquet hall, his gleaming armour clanking with each step. After spending most of the morning and afternoon training his third batch of raw recruits he just wanted food and then bed, in that order - and soon.

That was one thing that kept him sane - the training, and by all that was holy he would drill the soft whelps into something his mentor Stroud would be proud of.

The shouts could be heard before he's even reached the door and as he opened it the raised voices get even rowdier. Ah, he grimaced, Benson was at it again - trying to drink Frye under the table whilst everyone else was just "helping" them along and rather loudly too.

There were around 20 or so bodies at the table, and as soon as Frye spotted Carver she nearly choked on her ale bellowing "Hawke! Nice of you to join us you Ferelden dog!" Trying to raise her mug at the same time and nearly losing her balance.

This was what helped him not become too homesick, the close bond every one of them shared made it all seem worthwhile - this was what being a warden meant, to know that you could die defending the lands from Darkspawn, that together you faced uncertainty meant they were family, not just friends.

Currently it seemed that their goal was to get totally drunk, so he smiled and waved, and after hefting a lot of food on his plate he joined the large group trying to balance his plate as they jostled him to a gap made for him on the bench so he could sit down.

"Frye - its lucky for you we burn that ale off so fast you won't feel it in the morning!" Amongst a mouthful of chicken, gravy and potato. She laughs loudly and passes him his own drink, which he takes gratefully, sighing into the full mug of ale he resigns himself to his fate - he was in for a long night.

A few hours after the early evening meal had started and the drink was flowing steadily, the noise level had risen if that was possible, but they all turn towards the main door as it opens widely, and a hooded elf runs in clutching his post-bag. Half of them cheer as they've been looking forward to the post.

Carver smirks as he's the first to get a rather battered heavy letter and he knows it's from his big sister and moves away from the main group holding it aloft as they jokingly make to grab it from his hand. Yes it is from Natalia as he would recognise her bold looping writing anywhere and as he rips the wax seal open he manages to catch the large coin purse which falls out and looks at it in wonder. "Hey Hawke, what you do to get that!" Someone shouts over to him.

"Nothing - it's from my sister!" he replies with a massive smile.

"Can she adopt me?" Comes the loud slurred response. Several others shout their agreement and other adoption requests follow, one offer of marriage even.

He starts to read the letter and blinks as he reaches one particular line. After a few seconds, the smile completely vanishes from his face, replaced by a look of barely contained anger and with a loud shout of "WHAT?" he staggers over to an empty bench and slumps over banging his head on the table.

Filled with concern, Frye herself wobbles over to where he's sat and quietly asks Carver "Hey mate, what's up?" to which he holds the letter up to her without lifting his head. She takes the parchment from him and hears a muffled "Read it. I can't believe it...I'm. Going. To. Be. An. Uncle." He spits the words out as if he still can't process the words written on the pages.

"Yep my friend, you really are - hey it's not such a terrible thing is it?" Patting him heavily on the back.

Carver looks up at her and says "Not sure - need to think...she's not _married_ you know...Maker help that bloody elf if I - no when I - get my hands on him. Need to speak to the boss" His head thuds back on the table heavily as at that moment the drink and the shock catches up with him and he passes out.


End file.
